Bullies, Police Brutality and Politicians

For the good portion of 45 years, I have watched the great U.S of A struggle with many social issues and have always felt we, as a country, would come out the other side a better place and better people.  For the most part this has been true.  It hasn’t been until recently that I started thinking like an old man in my head and grow concerned with the country’s future. 

We have politicians fighting for the power to discriminate against people that go against their “deeply held religious beliefs”. Police officers that use extreme deadly force under suspicious or blatantly wrongful circumstances.  Children are still being bullied, victims of bullying still taking their lives, and the parents still in disbelief that their kids are the bullies or they don’t care if their children are or not.  Racism still flourishes in this country.  Bigots are elected as politicians.  Zealots are trying to change the unique ground that our great country was built upon.  Are we looking at the end of the United States of America?  Who’s to blame?  Voter apathy?  Big Corporations? Religious Zealots?  Angry Activists?  Political Pundits?  Media?  All of us?

Let me start with the one that really hurts my soul.  My heart aches each time I hear of a young life ending because of suicide in general.  I always think of the potential of the young life and I first wonder why.  What drove them to believe this was the correct action for their life?

First, let us differentiate between the individuals that commit suicide due to terminal illness and those that commit suicide for other reasons.  It is a very scary decision to make and an even scarier action to follow through. I understand someone with a terminal illness that wishes to stop fighting and suffering.  I understand them wanting to leave their loved ones with fond memories of them, instead of unpleasant memories.  My heart goes out to them and their family, but I understand that is a tough decision to make.

That decision is different from those that make the decision because of bullying or extreme pressure.  I understand this decision all too well.  If you have read my blog postings before you know, I was a victim of bullying as a child and I still harbor hard feelings to towards my bullies.  I had contemplated suicide on several occasions for various reasons.  Luckily, I never did it because I always had a great support group and supportive family.

I can tell you that bullying needs to stop.  It is a form of terrorism.  I was scared every day of my young life to go to school because of bullies.  I was scared to play by myself in the neighborhood because of bullies.  To this day, I know their names and I remember their faces.  They were mean, cruel, and vicious. 

I survived and, for the longest time, I thought that was what made me have a tough skin.  I can hear LGBT derogatory comments aimed at me and I can laugh it off.  I felt bad for these young boys and girls who committed suicide and wished I could talk to them so they realized they weren’t alone and tell them you will get through this.  It will be okay.

It took me twenty plus years to realize that it wasn’t the bullies that made me tougher.  It was my supportive friends and supportive family, but most of all me.  I then realized as I opened my eyes that these supportive friends and family were all victims of this terrorism because they loved me.  They knew they couldn’t be around me all the time and worried about me. 

These sayings that “children are just mean”, “boys will be boys”, or “they are just going through a mean phase” are BS.  No child should fear to go to school, church, or outside to play and no parent should have to worry about their children.  This should not be accepted and, if you think your child is not a bully, you are joking yourself.  It can come in all forms and even victims of bullies and can bully someone else.  It is definitely a discussion that needs to be had in every home.

 

Bullying and hatred are learned behavior.  I’m not laying all the blame at the feet of the parents because these children can learn this crap from several places.  They can learn it from a favorite relative or family friend, church, teacher, friend’s parents and so on.  They have several places to learn this behavior.  It is however, the parent’s responsibility to weed through all of the outside influences so they can help their children process this information and come up with mature decisions.

Just because a girl wants to play football doesn’t mean that she is a lesbian.  Just because a boy plays with Barbie dolls doesn’t mean he is gay.  All Black or African-American children don’t have athletic aspirations or are doing something illegal.  All Arabic children are not Islamic zealots.  All Latin children are not diseased and illegal.  All White children are not racists.  All Christian children are not insensitive bigots.

We stop judging each other and teach our children to stop judging others this hopefully will go away.  We need to stop gossiping and trying to be better than each other.  We have to stop talking about gender specific roles that men or boys can’t do this because it is for women and vice versa.  Once we as adults stop doing this, the children will learn because the children learn their behavior by what they see and it is from us.  We, as a whole, are guilty for allowing this bullying to continue in our society.

            Now the next hot topic that is causing me stress.  The police brutality seemingly getting out of control.  My questions is has it ever been under control.  The Black and/or African-American Community have been complaining about this my entire life.  It can’t be anything new.  However, with today’s technology showing without a doubt that an officer used unnecessary actions for the crime that turned deadly and the officer doesn’t get indicted for at least manslaughter, is a complete absurdity to put I lightly.

            I will begin with Ferguson.  I knew the officer was not going to get indicted.  There were conflicting stories and conflicting evidence.  Should it have gone to a jury instead of a grand jury?  Yes, I believe it should have.  Do I believe he used unnecessary action towards the young man?  Yes, I believe he did. 

            The problem is that is my belief and I wasn’t there.  I don’t have a video tape of the actions.  The only video tape I have is showing the victim committing a crime earlier that day. Other than that I have to rely on the investigation.

            Now the Staten Island death, we have video tape of this incident.  We know that the man was selling cigarettes illegally.  We know he was a big guy and the police officers were smaller than him.  Maybe I missed it, but I am not sure when he threatened the police with harm.  The police may have been intimated because of his size.

            Besides that, the police officer got him in a headlock and forced him to the ground.  Remember this is for selling cigarettes.  I know they weren’t taxed, but still it is for selling cigarettes.  Doesn’t this seem a little excessive? 

            Now he’s on the ground and he clearly states several times that he can’t breathe.  Why didn’t the officer loosen his grip a little?  Why didn’t he check on him?  Did he think he was lying?  Why didn’t he take precautions, if he thought he was hurting him?  Did he not care because he knew he would never be indicted, if the worst case scenario happened?

            I can only have questions because I am not a criminologist or police officer.  I am not a lawyer, district attorney or judge.  The only knowledge about any of these professions I have come from watching television.  Unfortunately, I think that extends to the majority of us and we take what we see on CSI or Criminal Minds and apply to real cases, but I digress.  He should have been brought before a jury.

            This of course leads me to more questions.  Are all suspicious people treated the same way?  Are white criminals or suspects treated the same as criminals or suspects of color?  I would love to be able to say yes, but clearly recent events, tweets, and postings show that the answer is no.

            Recently a couple of deputies were caught exchanging racial comments and jokes between each other on their personal phones.  Yes, it may have been on their personal phones, but at what time do those jokes taint their judgment and we have another dead teen of color.  They are too uphold the law and not let their personal beliefs get in the way of their job.  If they use derogatory terms about a person like the “n” word or the “f” word, does that cloud their judgment on how they will treat a person they would use that word to describe?

            Were these judgmental, racist, bigoted cops the bully as children?  I think yes.  Did they grow out of it? I think no.

            Lastly, the last couple of years have seen a great big surge in marriage equality.  This has started me on finding a husband because my dream wedding can be realized.  Yes, I have always dreamed of a big wedding, so when it happens you will all be invited.

            Though we have made large strides in this area.  There are politicians who think it is okay to deny LGBT jobs and housing and fight adding us to Anti-Discrimination laws.  They also want to pass or in some backwards states, counties and cities have passed laws or ordinances where someone can deny services to a person because of their “deeply held beliefs”.  This infuriates me because they have reason to do either of these except out of pure meanness and spite. 

            They have said the LGBT community is going after the children to recruit them, when the religious zealots at the center of this storm are fighting to change the history books to show that our forefathers got all of their ideas and wisdom from Moses.  They want this taught in the schools.  They also don’t want any other theories taught to their children that includes evolution, of course.  Who’s trying to indoctrinate the children?

            Why can’t people see that we don’t want special rights?  We want the right to work without being fired.  We want the right to live in an apartment without fear of the landlord throwing us out.  We want the right to marry and have it recognized by doctors, tax, and lawyers so we can have the same protection that a man and wife have.  My social security can go to my surviving spouse just like a heterosexual’s social security does.  Doctors will allow my husband to be with me as I die.  My husband can retrieve what I give him in a will regardless what others think and can make decisions for me when I can’t.  What’s the difference?  Why do they find it so threatening?

You say none of this has happened.  I can tell you of two instances where I was forced to deal with this issue and, if I were stronger, I would have a lot more money.

At the age of twenty, I was working at hotel at the front desk and in their breakfast area.  I was pulled into the General Manager’s office one day along with the Director of Guest Services.  I was told that they had to let go of me because I was too gay.  That was exactly what they told me.  I had recently come out to myself and a handful of family members.  I was devastated, embarrassed and brought to my lowest point in my life.  I lost my job because I was too gay.  It was horrible and this could still happen.  Even though everyone at work knows I am gay, I am still afraid of being fired because of it.  It is also why I don’t come to work with my flame burning brighter than a bonfire. 

My second story revolves around the only man that I truly loved.  He had Hepatitis C and HIV.  I don’t have either so you can stop worrying and wondering.  He had a horrible time with his meds and we had to take him to the hospital.  He was hallucinating, his body was swelling, and he was in pain.  Even though he told the doctor and nurse who I was to him, I had no rights.  I couldn’t speak for him.  They wouldn’t let me stay with him, even though he begged them.  Every day, I had to hear him beg them to let me stay until I just brought him home and we took care of it at home.  It was heart breaking because he couldn’t get the medical attention he deserved and respect we deserved.  I was even told by the doctor to go to a different hospital next time that was further away because they couldn’t treat him. I have no idea what that meant, but we never went back.

It has happened and it does happen.  Without having laws that protect all citizens, it will continue to happen.  The bigots, racists and judgmental will continue to cause terror in the hearts of all citizens

Were these judgmental, racist, bigoted politicians the bully as children?  I think yes.  Did they grow out of it? I think no.

            When I think about items that may or may not directly affect me, I am reminded of the words of Martin Niemoller, in regards to Nazi Germany.

            “First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”

Remember the above as you think of bullies, rights for all citizens, police action, immigration, race relations, and so on.  Don’t let the most selfish of us dictate the actions for all of us.  

05/04

 

“Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.”
― Zora Neale Hurston



Hello all.  Sorry it has been two weeks.  I had some technical issues.  Needless to say, the technical issue was user error.  What can I say I am not a technological guy.

Without further ado, today's blog is about the latest politician asshole.

Steve Hickey is a Republican member of the South Dakota House of Representatives since 2011.  He earned his BA from Mid-America Nazarene College and his MDiv from North Park Theological Seminary. With this short brief history, you can guess his standing on LGBT or equality issues. His recent comments is what make him a candidate for Asshole of the Month. 

 

 

I’m sure you must already know what he said but I will force myself to type it for those of you who do not know his statement.  He not only uses middle school analogies, but attacks other member of the LGBT community as well.  Below from The Advocate are his statements which were posted on Facebook.

“Certainly there are board-certified doctors in our state who will attest to what seems self-evident to so many: gay sex is not good for the body or mind. Pardon a crude comparison but regarding men with men, we are talking about a one-way alley meant only for the garbage truck to go down.”

 

Furthermore in an attempt to explain his stand on school policies to accommodate transgender students because of a high suicide rate among transgender youth, Rep, Hickey states that letting boys play girl sports is not the beginning position to fix the suicide problem or the very real daily issues these students face dealing with something they have been handed in life.  He wonders if by accommodating the students, does it open them up to more painful issues all the while transferring serious anxieties to other innocent and impressionable ones in those locker rooms.

 

He issues “a call to the medical and psychological communities and associations to weigh in publicly and timely on the matter of homosexuality and the human body, psyche and family, particular kids.”    

Finally, he states that since these posts he has gotten many correspondence detailing how someone will rape or hurt him.  Really someone wants to rape him.  I’ve been out and proud for over 20 years and, even though I don’t know all gay people, I do know a good cross section of those people.  I can’t see any of them wanting to rape you, Rep Hickey.  Please keep your fear and religion out of politics.  If you can’t, step down immediately.

 

Does he not realize that gay men are not the only people who have anal sex?  Many heterosexual couples have anal sex.  Just as you, Rep Hickey, think all gay men are running around humping each other’s ass at any given moment of any given day, you think all heterosexual couples have sex in the missionary position.  I wonder if you think they all still have sex while in their night shirts like Ma and Pa Ingalls did. 

 

How dare you flippantly show concern for transgender youth while at the same time afraid how they will hurt “innocent and impressionable ones”! Do you not think transgender students are not innocent or impressionable?  Are you afraid that they will have the “innocent” believe they are transgender?

 

You are a backwards asshole.  Not all gay men have anal sex and not only gay men have anal sex.  Grow Up Representative Hickey!  Transgender student’s anxieties will not rub off on your “innocent” children.  However, I do worry about transgender students being thrust into more painful derogatory remarks and actions from your “innocent” children and people like you.  Even though it scares me, if we don’t do something, nothing will change and these poor youth will continue to run away, attempt suicide, drugs and so on.

 

 

The center of this story is that religion needs to be left out of politics.  Rep Hickey step down from your position and crawl back under the rock from where you emerged.
 

That's it for today.  Until next time, may your bartender mix your drinks well and use top shelf booze.

Inquiring Minds, Need for Speed and Coming Out Fatigue

Hello Everyone....Sorry I didn't post a new blog last week, but I was having some technical difficulties which hampered by ability to post.  However, I am back and I have some things to discuss.  Let's cuss and discuss now.

I'm just thinking out loud.  I recently made a trip back home to Kansas City to visit family and friends.  I tried to carve out some time for some to see some friends, but it didn't happen. I don't know if I dropped the ball or they dropped the ball, but I t was quite interesting to me.  Just to see how rapidly life continues on.

I've been on my new journey in Costa Rica now for 8 months now.  Thanks to social media, I've been able to keep up with everyone.  Social Media like Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and so on have been great for allowing me to feel still connected to the people I adore and not feel homesick, which could happen when you are so far removed. I think it may have hampered my reunion with certain people when I visit.

Years ago, a friend would come into town after being gone for a while and everyone would rally around that friend to find out the details of their life since they last saw each other.  However, because of social media, we already know all the details, especially if you are like me and post everything either on Twitter, Facebook or a blog.  It leaves very little to discuss and lessens the desire to see each other.

I guess it does free up unnecessary conversation so you can concentrate on doing fun things with these individuals.  It also means you have to work harder at that relationship.  I may be reading too much into this and, because I have been back almost three times in those eight months, I may not have been gone long enough to let the grow fonder.



There are several Entertainment news shows out there in boob tube world.  I've talked about a few of the hosts and, if you have read earlier blogs, you know I am not a fan of too many of them.  Since I do love news about entertainment, I do watch some of them.  However, they drive me insane at the same time.  I know I'm in a vicious circle.  I am going to play good thing and bad thing about these shows.  Then I will give my opinion on Entertainment Tonight, E News, Access Hollywood and OMG.

1. Good Thing - They keep us up to date on television shows and movies.  Are they going to be cancelled?  What's Matt Damon's next film?  When does that new Avengers movie come out?

2. Bad Thing - They keep us up to date on celebrities personal lives.  I don't care about who they are marrying or divorcing or have in their bed.  I wouldn't be so disgusted by certain individuals if the media and paparazzi would keep some items private.  Maybe some celebrities wouldn't fallen so far off their game if the entertainment news media would have let them deal with their issues instead of giving them attention for their bad behavior.

3. Good Thing - They occasionally tell us stories about amazing individuals who may not be celebrity status but deserve the spotlight for their 15 minutes of fame.

4. Bad Thing - They keep that spotlight on some individuals too long  and create media whores because they have no talent to keep people interested and/or fund their new famous lifestyle.  You can basically name any E reality star, any person who has been on Real World, any of the Housewives of whatever county or state, so on and so forth.  Very little of these people have any entertainment talent or value.  The only reason we watch these shows is too make us feel better that our lives isn't as messed up as there lives.  That is not a reason to keep these people in the spotlight.

5. Good Thing - They keep us up to date with the tragedies in Entertainment world.  I mean the tragic deaths.  When a celebrity dies, their fan base wishes to have that knowledge so they can mourn the loss of their beloved star.

6. Bad Thing - They speculate about celebrity behavior and deaths without having facts.  They give their personal beliefs in relaying the news and spin it so they can get a reaction.  Plus the phrase "They have us talking about it', is not a good thing and doesn't mean the behavior, outfit, movie, and so on is a good or helpful for their career.

Now for a the ratings:

They get and F.  They are annoying.

The entire cast of OMG Insider should be canned, especially Michael Yo and Kevin Frazier, who both seem like they haven't a clue what they are doing and constantly make excuses for the talentless because they are apart of the group.

Access Hollywood is just plain drivel and is Fox News of the Entertainment World.  They report on their feelings and beliefs, not the story.  Billy Bush is the head of this serpent and needs to be cut off.  If that happens, the body will follow.

Entertainment Tonight is past its prime and needs to be cancelled.  It was good twenty years ago, but now it is hanging on by thread and that thread is Nancy O'Dell, which would give it a D, but then they brought Rob Marciano which brings it back to an F.

E News, finally, stopped giving airtime to the owner of the network, Ryan Seacrest.  I guess he decided the world didn't need to see him every night.  Now if we could get him to stop making reality shows that would be even better, but I digress.  Actually, they would have gotten a C because Guiliana Rancic and Terrence Jenkins.  They both give their spin on stuff which is true, but they are at least watchable.  However, they get an F as well because of the rest of the brainless so called reporters they have.  They even replaced Ryan Seacrest with his little sister, Jason Kennedy, who is just has annoying, vapid and self obsesses his big sister. Speaking of vapid, can someone explain the value of Catt Sadler in her role for E News?

The civilized world is finally understanding that equality means the same benefits, privileges and opportunities for everyone.  It is a thrilling time to be alive.  We are seeing equality in the area of marriage.  I never thought I would see it in my life time.  It is getting so prominent now that I am even thinking that marriage is an absolute possibility for me.  I just can't wait for all the wedding gifts.  I want matching china and real silverware.  I want fifteen blenders.  I want it all.  I want a bachelor party with drinks and strippers.  I want a nice tasteful wedding in "My colors are blush and bashful. I have chosen two shades of pink, one is much deeper than the other".  I want a reception with amazing food, a great bar and an awesome DJ playing music from the 70's to today.


Here is the latest in the news of marriage equality.

Oregon recognizes same sex marriages performed in other jurisdictions.
Limited recognition for same sex marriages performed in other jurisdictions has been granted in Missouri, Ohio and Colorado.

US District courts in Utah, Oklahoma, Virginia, Texas and Michigan have declared state constitutional amendments banning same sex marriage to be unconstitutional, but they are in the appeals process  as we speak.

In the US, marriage equality exists in California, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Hawaii, Illinois (by June 2014),  Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Rhode Island, Vermont and Washington

You can also have a destination wedding if you so desire in England, Wales, Scotland, Sweden, Spain, South Africa, Portugal, Belgium, Brazil, Argentina, Canada, France, Iceland, Norway, Mexico City, New Zealand Proper and Netherlands Proper.

I am one of the many people who got to see this wonderful action packed film.  I am also one of the many people who loved playing the game.  I used to love playing racing video games Need for Speed and Midnight Club.  

1st, the action driving sequences were fantastic and were not filmed just for kicks and to get the audience pumped up.  The sequences had meaning and were apart of the story.

2nd, the acting was brilliant.  Aaron Paul was brooding and cool.  Dominic Cooper was slimy and manipulative.  The supporting cast of Imogen Potts, Rami Masek, Ramon Rodrgiuez, Scott Mescudi and Harrison Gilbertson were funny, exciting and seemed like they all fit together.

3rd, the storyline was actually really good.  It was predictable, but it was well written and well performed so it really didn't matter.

It is a great fun film filled with action.  I recommend everyone to see it.

Finally I am going to end with my opinion on a matter and then a question, that truly deserves an answer.

1st, I have been reading all over social media where individuals are tired of having news outlets report on celebrities who "come out of the closet".  I'm not sure of the reason that all news outlets have to glom on to the bit and won't let it go.  However, most people are tired of the initial reporting of it and type messages like "I can't wait until things of this nature are not newsworthy anymore".

Unfortunately, you will probably not see it in your life time.  Any time a bit of news will shock someone or get a reaction out of viewers, the news programs will report it.  As long as we sects of people who vehemently preach, teach and practice intolerance and hatred, these bits will still get a reaction from viewers. Until equality exists in all sections of life (including marriage) and in all professions (including sports), celebrities coming out are important.

As a gay child which I was, I had no one to look up to or to emulate.  I knew I was different from my dad and my brothers.  I knew I was more like my mother, but I couldn't be because I had the parts of my father and brothers.  It was very confusing for me and, because of it, I buried myself in world of denial and self-loathing.  I had no role model in my community, television, film or sports.  My only reference to gay man was Jack Tripper from "Three's Company" and he was a man living a lie as a gay man, so he wouldn't get thrown out of the apartment that he shared with two single girls.  I was the opposite.  I was a gay child living a lie so I wouldn't lose my life.

Would life have been different for me if I had a role model?  I don't know, but it sure seems like it is getting better and better the more and more of us throw open those doors and say we are tired of living in the shadows and we are ready to be role models to tomorrows LGBT communities.  So I am sorry people, yes, there will be more people throwing back the curtain like the bravery of Michael Sam from Mizzou or Tom Daley, the diver from Great Britain, or Ellen Page, the amazing young actress, or Wade Davis, who's working on putting an end to homophobia in the NFL, and so on and so forth.

The only way I can really say that this might stop is if you starting throwing us coming out parties like a debutante ball, sweet sixteen or quinceanera.   Who doesn't want to be celebrated, have a party or get presents?  Don't try to cheat us by saying Gay Pride is our party.  We each want an individual one.  However, if we start doing those celebrations, can I have one that I should have had 29 years ago?  I prefer cash as a gift please and prorated if at all possible (my mother is exempt from getting me a gift).

Now my question is, does age difference really matter?  What is socially acceptable?  Does it matter what society thinks?  People look at Hugh Hefner and some think he's awesome because he's marrying these twenty year old women when he is 87.  Is that creepy, gross, cool or awesome?

 Aaron Taylor-Johnson of Kick Ass 2 is married to woman 23 years older than him.  Michael Douglas is 25 years older than Catherine Zeta Jones.  Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had 16 years separating them.  Brian Austin Green of 90210 and Megan Fox are 18 years apart.  Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart have a 22 years difference. Julianne Moore has an 11 years age difference with her younger hubby. Clint Eastwood and Dina Ruiz have 36 yrs separating them.  Mariah Carey is 12 years more mature than her hubby, Nick Cannon.  I guess if it is good for Han Solo, Mimi and Dirty Harry, it should be okay with everyone else.


Until next time, May all your drinks be top shelf and heavily poured.

First

Hello everyone from beautiful San Jose Costa Rica!  Today is September 15th which is Independence Day for most if not all of Central America.  Happy Independence Day to all my Central American readers which is probably just one....Oh wait, I don't count since I am typing this and I am a Gringo not from Central America.  Oh well, I will just pour me some wine and start this weeks blog.

I am putting my catty comments aside to day to discuss a couple of subject that is very near to my heart....me.  Just kidding well kind of...The main topics in the LGBT Community is Equality of Marriage, Bullying and the fear some fear and many of us did fear years ago is someone found out that we were different.  I though I should share a pinch of my story with all three of you readers.  Then next week we will get back to back biting bitchiness of me after the Emmy Awards.

One of the funniest questions that most people have asked me over the years is when did I know.  For years, I came up with some story that wasn't true because it seemed people were always looking for a definitive answer.  They wanted to pinpoint that moment when I knew I was gay.  I guess to either confirm they were or not or a loved was or not or to watch out for it with their kids.

The crazy thing is that at some level I always knew.  I know that seems like a cop out.  Many people will be like how did you know when you were so small because kids don't even think about sex which is true.  However, being gay is more than just sex.  It's hard to explain, but I compare it to mediums.  You know you are a medium because you feel it and you experience these sensations that no one else except for a few others can feel.  There are some that can fake it for whatever reason, but the true mediums and true LGBT just feel it and it has always been with them.

I always knew I was different.  I always wanted to be around girls because I felt more comfortable around them.  I was very intimidated by men including my brothers, father, cousins and so on.  I always felt better around my mom, aunts and female cousins.  As a kid, I knew this was odd, but I was very scared of men so I stayed with the womenfolk which caused me even more pain.

Public school was never easy for this awkward kid that was me.  I was very shy, sensitive and well...to put it bluntly feminine.  Looking back, I have to admit I was a little girly.  I wasn't prancing around (well not all the time), but I definitely was not a rough and tumble boy.  I had more sugar and spice than snips and snails.

Because I hung with the girls in school and not the boys and I would cry at the drop of a hat, I was called all sorts of names like sissy, gay, queer, fag, faggot and so on .  When I first heard them, I had no idea what they meant and cried just because everyone was laughing at me which made the teasing that much more harsh.  They were relentless and the farmer and little town boys of Maryville, MO made me think of suicide and worse at the age of ten. 

When I learned what the words meant, it became real for me.  At first, I didn't understand why anyone would call me these names.  Then the few male friends I had and their families tried to help me by telling me to be tougher and stop crying.  Stop hanging around the girls so much.  Stop being a sissy.  I tried but no matter what I did.  The other boys in the school would relentlessly torture me.

I use to pray that someone would kidnap me.  I built a fantasy where I was adopted and my real parents would finally come rescue me from the hell that I was living.  I wanted to run for the hills and never return. I was young and I had just realized that I had fallen in love with my best friend, Mike.

I was ten to eleven when I knew I loved Mike.  He had been my friend since I was six or younger, not really sure.  He lived just a block away from me in little home with his parents, his big sister, Mary, and his younger brother, Paul.  Over the years we had spent the night together at each other's house many times. We had played in the neighborhood running the streets of the small town and riding bikes all over.  We constantly were at the public pool swimming and so on.

The moment I realized I had fallen in love with him is like it happened yesterday.  He was changing clothes and getting ready for bed.  He had stripped to his underwear.  For some reason, my thoughts were x-rated.  It scared the hell out of me.  I never let on that night, but I really couldn't sleep because I could swear he could read my mind.  I knew he would find out and then stop being my friend.  I was in complete terror.  In that moment, I realized that I had to live a lie forever because no one could know.

I couldn't tell any of my friends, because none of them would be my friends.  They would all begin to bully me like all the other kids in town.  I couldn't bear that happening.  Can you tell I was little melodramatic?  I was on my own.  Somewhere in my head I knew something had to change because if it didn't I wasn't going to survive the hell that was my life at that time.

Like most LGBT members, family life wasn't much better.  Don't get me wrong, my immediate family and extended family never really spoke bad about the LGBT community.  The bad views came from the community, television and the church.  It was never really a topic for us to discuss.  However, the closest sibling I had was nine years older than me and you can't really confide in them because they are really like additional parents and instead of listening they want to fix it.  My closest cousin in age was a male cousin, Chuck,  that was exactly like the boys who bullied me at school.

Now Chuck didn't bully me so don't get that started.  He just did things like them.  He got dirty.  He got hurt.  He liked to hunt.  He liked to fish.  I was his complete opposite and he intimidated the hell out of me.  I think I stayed away from him on purpose for several reasons.  We didn't have that much in common.  I was afraid he would start bullying me.  I was also convinced that he knew I was gay and was going to tell my family and then my family would kick me out in the streets.  I really did him a disservice by treating him like the enemy just because he had similar interests of the bullys.  Come to think of it, I owe him an apology because he is pretty neat guy.   

How did I survive this hell?  I was in so much fear of what might happened that I did nothing.  I didn't tell Mike that I loved him.  I didn't tell the bullies and the other kids that yes I was a fag and they could kiss my ass.  I didn't tell my family.  I did nothing.  I took the abuse and lived in my own fear built prison until my parents divorced and my mother and I moved to a different town many miles away where I could rewrite who Jay was.

That is the beginning of my story and maybe I can share the rest with you sometime.  Yes, I did tell Mike that I had loved him many years later and no we are not lovers.  I did tell my family and have love and support from all levels from my parents to brothers to Cousin Chuck.  I did tell my former friends and classmates of years ago and only speak to three of them through social media.

So there is my first; when I knew, the abuse, my own fears and loathing and love.  I hope I didn't bore you too bad.  However, please know that each member of the LGBT has their own story and all of them are different.  Some of them are uneventful and some are ten times worse than mine.  Please be sympathetic and a good friend, sibling or parent and listen to these stories.  We don't tell them to hurt people or drudge up old feelings.  We tell them so we can stop someone else from feeling alone, to inform others on how we can make things better for the next generation and so our voice can heard and used for change in policy like Marriage Equality, Anti-Bullying Laws, Hate Crime Legislation so on.

As promised, next week will be about the Emmys, hotties, reality shows and gossip.  Here's a hottie to tie you over.



  May all your drinks be mixed well and heavily poured.



The Big Gay Jay Show

 



 

 

 

Hello All!!!   This week’s blog starts off with a political message.  I know say what.  He’s going political on me.  It stems from a conversation I had with a friend over dinner this weekend.  Let me get on top of this soapbox and let you have it.

 

As a group my friends and I try to get together for a meal at least twice a month.  Some weeks it’s easier said then done.  However, we have a great time when it comes together.  Will this always happen or be the case?  The answer is no, but I enjoy it as long as it lasts.

 

During dinner, we eye the waiters, drink martinis and talk about different topics like TV shows, movies or the local community.  We very seldom talk about politics, which irritates me because I enjoy an adult conversation about politics.  I am very open to hearing other people’s beliefs and values.  It doesn’t mean I agree with them, but it has been known on some rare occasion that I may learn about a subject which may alter my opinion or at the very least shine a light on a corner of the subject I had yet to discover.

 

Since no human being is cookie cutter, we are all on different levels of the liberal and conservative spectrum.  I am probably the most liberal of my friends.  I am bleeding heart to a degree.  Even though I would like to fix the world and chase the boogeyman way, I am realistic enough that I can’t fix everything. 

 

It has always escaped me about Gay Republicans especially when most of members of the party spout how evil the LGBT community is and how we don’t deserve the same legal rights and some still have the belief that we should all be shipped to an island and killed.  I can’t wrap my brain around it.  My initial belief is that the most self-loathing individuals of the LGBT community have to make up this Gay Republican group.

 

Though it will not change my stance on any political ground, I understand Gay Republicans or, at least, one of my friends who identifies himself as one.  He’s a nice young man that simply stated that he is more conservative than liberal especially when talking in fiscal terms.  So in essence, human rights issues are more important to me which doesn’t mean I want to be poor all my life or don’t care about our country’s budget, but it does mean I’m willing to shell out some money to help the less fortunate or to fight for equality.  On the other hand, my friend believes that fiscal issues are important which doesn’t mean he cares any less for the unfortunate or for equality, but he believes that making sure the integrity of the financial state is more important and in the end will allow programs to help the less fortunate.

 

I’m sure it goes deeper than that, but that was my take on it.  I appreciate him and appreciate all views.  I like hearing them and I like discussing them in a calm and appreciative manner.  We will never all 100% agree on any state policy, but to have no view and unable to discuss these views without having hurt feelings, name calling and leading to fights is a shame. 

 

Just my opinion. Take it or leave it.  Thank you

 

Now let’s have some fun.  I was born in 1969 for any young readers this means I am old, not ancient or decrepit, just old.  There never really were gay television icons or shows that I could watch, enjoy and get a semblance of being a part of anything.  The closest thing we had was that Jack Tripper on “Three’s Company” played brilliantly by John Ritter was a man living with two girls that had to pretend to be gay so the landlord wouldn’t kick them out.

 

Though daytime television came up with the occasional gay character that left a big impact on the viewers, the first real show that I can say I actually felt showed any real part of the LGBT struggle was “Queer as Folk”.  It was well written and played.  Yes, they were all pretty, way more sex and drugs than I ever could have dreamt to have, but it was a show that was in a word “fabulous”.

 

Everyone had their favorite.  Were you more like Michael, Justin, Brian, Ted or Emmett?  If you didn’t emulate them, you picked which one you wanted to bed.  Bars had viewing parties and drink specials.  It was a show about gay men for gay men.  We as a community for the most part loved every minute of it.  This one gay man really did love it.  Here’s a drinking game: watch an episode and drink every time Brian drops the F Bomb. 

 

The show even had the lesbian couple that keeps the gay men anchored.  The over exuberant “my son is gay and I'm proud of it” mother played wonderfully by Sharon Gless. The “my son just came out and I want to support him but unsure how” mother played equally brilliant by Sherry Miller.  Not mention the boyfriends and girlfriends of all the mentioned characters that really added a great flavor to the show.

 

I miss this show from my life.  It has been 7 years since this show was on the air.  I crave the drama.  I crave the characters.  I crave something like this.  I need to either have new Queer as Folk showing where the characters are.  Have Melanie and Lindsey moved back since the marriage equality is getting closer?  Has Brian stayed a part of Gus life?  Is Brian alive?  Did Justin finally find someone that is deserving of his love? How did things go with Emmett’s beau from Mississippi work out?  Did Ted and Blake work out? What happened to Michael and Ben?  Are they still together?  Don’t forget Hunter.  Did he go to college?  Is he dating girls or guys? 

If the actors for whatever reason don’t want to do it, can someone come up with an up to date version of this show or something similar to it?  I need gay fictional, well written and beautifully played drama.   Would a show about middle aged gay man go over well?  If so call me up, I’m ready.

 

Alright let’s get to some BEEFCAKE!!!

 

This week’s Beefcake is my number 2 dream man.  Not sure what I like about Boston, but apparently I like the guys a lot.  My beefcake this week is none other than hot, muscle bound and talented Mark Wahlberg. 

Who could forget Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch?  I fell in love with “Good Vibrations” video.  Sorry Mark, I know you are not gay, but I had a huge crush on you.  It didn’t help when you did the ad for Calvin Klein.  I thought I had lost my mind when I saw it.  It was kinds of crazy hot and solidified you in every gay mans heart and dreams.

 

I have watched and own most of your work.  Each film you get better and better.  “Boogie Nights”, “The Perfect Storm” and “The Fighter” to name just a few highlights are some of my favorite movies for different reasons.  Each of these films showcase a different part of your talent that simply makes me admire you more and more.

 

But going past the obvious looks, I am amazed at not only your talent as an actor, but also as a producer. Your success with "Entourage" and "Boardwalk Empire" blows my mind and showcases how smart you really are. You’re becoming a force to be reckoned in the industry which is amazing.  I seriously can’t wait for you new TV program, “Boston’s Finest” because like I have already stated that there’s something about you guys from Boston that flip my trigger.

 

 Time for some questions from “The Big Book of If” by Evelyn McFarlane and James Saywell

 

1)      If you could change one thing to make life easier for your children, what would you do?

 

Lose weight and keep it off so we can have a lot more time together

 

2)      If you had to sell your soul for one thing, what would it be?

 

The cure for all cancer found and made easily affordable for all human beings.

 

3)      If you could achieve absolute success in only one area of your life, what would it be?

 

            Fatherhood

 

4)      If you could determine the careers of your children, what would you them do, assuming they would be successful at it?

 

Teaching because my family has many teachers in it and it is one of the greatest professions there is.

 

 

I always want to introduce new segments so this week I have two segments.  Here we go with a HIMBO.  A himbo is a male bimbo; someone really pretty but just shows that elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top.   

My 1^st Himbo has to be Ryan Lochte.  For those of you who have no idea who he is, he is swimmer that won a couple of medals in the Olympics in 2012.  Since then he has been on talk shows, he’s gone on several red carpet events and soon will be coming to your televisions set on “E” with his new reality show, “What would Ryan Lochte do?” 

Let me begin by saying that “What would (fill in name) do?” tag line or logo is just plain tired.  No one cares what anyone else would do.  If Evangelicals continue to judge, they don't care what Jesus would do which is where the phrase came from in the beginning.  People don’t know Ryan Lochte and they don’t care what he would do or what he will do.

Next, he’s just a big ox that really has not displayed anything interesting except his ability to swim real fast and hog the spot light to extend his dwindling fifteen minutes of fame.  I’ve yet to hear any thing interesting in of talk show appearances.  He’s yet been able to display any kind of entertaining talent.  I mean if the show is of him flexing and running around in his Speedo then that might work for him, but other than that.  Look pretty and shut up.

 

For my final segment this week, we are Shining the Rainbow on a LGBT celebrity.  Check this guy out.  It is hot, luscious and smooth Darryl Stephens.  This man is a talented actor and I believe has not been given his best opportunity yet.  He was the title character in Noah’s Arc which ran on Logo for two years and was kind of like the African-American version of Queer as Folk. 

Unfortunately as many gay and lesbian actors often do, I think he gets pigeon holed as an over flamboyant gay man instead of letting his acting chops really kick and stretch as a performer.  He’s very good looking.  He shows talent. I believe with the right part he will soon be more of a household name and would get bigger offers and better roles.  He could be my love interest in my show about the middle aged gay fat man.

 

Well that's it for this week.  Thanks for all the support that my two readers have for me.  Until next week, May all your drinks be mixed well and heavily poured.