Bullies, Police Brutality and Politicians

For the good portion of 45 years, I have watched the great U.S of A struggle with many social issues and have always felt we, as a country, would come out the other side a better place and better people.  For the most part this has been true.  It hasn’t been until recently that I started thinking like an old man in my head and grow concerned with the country’s future. 

We have politicians fighting for the power to discriminate against people that go against their “deeply held religious beliefs”. Police officers that use extreme deadly force under suspicious or blatantly wrongful circumstances.  Children are still being bullied, victims of bullying still taking their lives, and the parents still in disbelief that their kids are the bullies or they don’t care if their children are or not.  Racism still flourishes in this country.  Bigots are elected as politicians.  Zealots are trying to change the unique ground that our great country was built upon.  Are we looking at the end of the United States of America?  Who’s to blame?  Voter apathy?  Big Corporations? Religious Zealots?  Angry Activists?  Political Pundits?  Media?  All of us?

Let me start with the one that really hurts my soul.  My heart aches each time I hear of a young life ending because of suicide in general.  I always think of the potential of the young life and I first wonder why.  What drove them to believe this was the correct action for their life?

First, let us differentiate between the individuals that commit suicide due to terminal illness and those that commit suicide for other reasons.  It is a very scary decision to make and an even scarier action to follow through. I understand someone with a terminal illness that wishes to stop fighting and suffering.  I understand them wanting to leave their loved ones with fond memories of them, instead of unpleasant memories.  My heart goes out to them and their family, but I understand that is a tough decision to make.

That decision is different from those that make the decision because of bullying or extreme pressure.  I understand this decision all too well.  If you have read my blog postings before you know, I was a victim of bullying as a child and I still harbor hard feelings to towards my bullies.  I had contemplated suicide on several occasions for various reasons.  Luckily, I never did it because I always had a great support group and supportive family.

I can tell you that bullying needs to stop.  It is a form of terrorism.  I was scared every day of my young life to go to school because of bullies.  I was scared to play by myself in the neighborhood because of bullies.  To this day, I know their names and I remember their faces.  They were mean, cruel, and vicious. 

I survived and, for the longest time, I thought that was what made me have a tough skin.  I can hear LGBT derogatory comments aimed at me and I can laugh it off.  I felt bad for these young boys and girls who committed suicide and wished I could talk to them so they realized they weren’t alone and tell them you will get through this.  It will be okay.

It took me twenty plus years to realize that it wasn’t the bullies that made me tougher.  It was my supportive friends and supportive family, but most of all me.  I then realized as I opened my eyes that these supportive friends and family were all victims of this terrorism because they loved me.  They knew they couldn’t be around me all the time and worried about me. 

These sayings that “children are just mean”, “boys will be boys”, or “they are just going through a mean phase” are BS.  No child should fear to go to school, church, or outside to play and no parent should have to worry about their children.  This should not be accepted and, if you think your child is not a bully, you are joking yourself.  It can come in all forms and even victims of bullies and can bully someone else.  It is definitely a discussion that needs to be had in every home.

 

Bullying and hatred are learned behavior.  I’m not laying all the blame at the feet of the parents because these children can learn this crap from several places.  They can learn it from a favorite relative or family friend, church, teacher, friend’s parents and so on.  They have several places to learn this behavior.  It is however, the parent’s responsibility to weed through all of the outside influences so they can help their children process this information and come up with mature decisions.

Just because a girl wants to play football doesn’t mean that she is a lesbian.  Just because a boy plays with Barbie dolls doesn’t mean he is gay.  All Black or African-American children don’t have athletic aspirations or are doing something illegal.  All Arabic children are not Islamic zealots.  All Latin children are not diseased and illegal.  All White children are not racists.  All Christian children are not insensitive bigots.

We stop judging each other and teach our children to stop judging others this hopefully will go away.  We need to stop gossiping and trying to be better than each other.  We have to stop talking about gender specific roles that men or boys can’t do this because it is for women and vice versa.  Once we as adults stop doing this, the children will learn because the children learn their behavior by what they see and it is from us.  We, as a whole, are guilty for allowing this bullying to continue in our society.

            Now the next hot topic that is causing me stress.  The police brutality seemingly getting out of control.  My questions is has it ever been under control.  The Black and/or African-American Community have been complaining about this my entire life.  It can’t be anything new.  However, with today’s technology showing without a doubt that an officer used unnecessary actions for the crime that turned deadly and the officer doesn’t get indicted for at least manslaughter, is a complete absurdity to put I lightly.

            I will begin with Ferguson.  I knew the officer was not going to get indicted.  There were conflicting stories and conflicting evidence.  Should it have gone to a jury instead of a grand jury?  Yes, I believe it should have.  Do I believe he used unnecessary action towards the young man?  Yes, I believe he did. 

            The problem is that is my belief and I wasn’t there.  I don’t have a video tape of the actions.  The only video tape I have is showing the victim committing a crime earlier that day. Other than that I have to rely on the investigation.

            Now the Staten Island death, we have video tape of this incident.  We know that the man was selling cigarettes illegally.  We know he was a big guy and the police officers were smaller than him.  Maybe I missed it, but I am not sure when he threatened the police with harm.  The police may have been intimated because of his size.

            Besides that, the police officer got him in a headlock and forced him to the ground.  Remember this is for selling cigarettes.  I know they weren’t taxed, but still it is for selling cigarettes.  Doesn’t this seem a little excessive? 

            Now he’s on the ground and he clearly states several times that he can’t breathe.  Why didn’t the officer loosen his grip a little?  Why didn’t he check on him?  Did he think he was lying?  Why didn’t he take precautions, if he thought he was hurting him?  Did he not care because he knew he would never be indicted, if the worst case scenario happened?

            I can only have questions because I am not a criminologist or police officer.  I am not a lawyer, district attorney or judge.  The only knowledge about any of these professions I have come from watching television.  Unfortunately, I think that extends to the majority of us and we take what we see on CSI or Criminal Minds and apply to real cases, but I digress.  He should have been brought before a jury.

            This of course leads me to more questions.  Are all suspicious people treated the same way?  Are white criminals or suspects treated the same as criminals or suspects of color?  I would love to be able to say yes, but clearly recent events, tweets, and postings show that the answer is no.

            Recently a couple of deputies were caught exchanging racial comments and jokes between each other on their personal phones.  Yes, it may have been on their personal phones, but at what time do those jokes taint their judgment and we have another dead teen of color.  They are too uphold the law and not let their personal beliefs get in the way of their job.  If they use derogatory terms about a person like the “n” word or the “f” word, does that cloud their judgment on how they will treat a person they would use that word to describe?

            Were these judgmental, racist, bigoted cops the bully as children?  I think yes.  Did they grow out of it? I think no.

            Lastly, the last couple of years have seen a great big surge in marriage equality.  This has started me on finding a husband because my dream wedding can be realized.  Yes, I have always dreamed of a big wedding, so when it happens you will all be invited.

            Though we have made large strides in this area.  There are politicians who think it is okay to deny LGBT jobs and housing and fight adding us to Anti-Discrimination laws.  They also want to pass or in some backwards states, counties and cities have passed laws or ordinances where someone can deny services to a person because of their “deeply held beliefs”.  This infuriates me because they have reason to do either of these except out of pure meanness and spite. 

            They have said the LGBT community is going after the children to recruit them, when the religious zealots at the center of this storm are fighting to change the history books to show that our forefathers got all of their ideas and wisdom from Moses.  They want this taught in the schools.  They also don’t want any other theories taught to their children that includes evolution, of course.  Who’s trying to indoctrinate the children?

            Why can’t people see that we don’t want special rights?  We want the right to work without being fired.  We want the right to live in an apartment without fear of the landlord throwing us out.  We want the right to marry and have it recognized by doctors, tax, and lawyers so we can have the same protection that a man and wife have.  My social security can go to my surviving spouse just like a heterosexual’s social security does.  Doctors will allow my husband to be with me as I die.  My husband can retrieve what I give him in a will regardless what others think and can make decisions for me when I can’t.  What’s the difference?  Why do they find it so threatening?

You say none of this has happened.  I can tell you of two instances where I was forced to deal with this issue and, if I were stronger, I would have a lot more money.

At the age of twenty, I was working at hotel at the front desk and in their breakfast area.  I was pulled into the General Manager’s office one day along with the Director of Guest Services.  I was told that they had to let go of me because I was too gay.  That was exactly what they told me.  I had recently come out to myself and a handful of family members.  I was devastated, embarrassed and brought to my lowest point in my life.  I lost my job because I was too gay.  It was horrible and this could still happen.  Even though everyone at work knows I am gay, I am still afraid of being fired because of it.  It is also why I don’t come to work with my flame burning brighter than a bonfire. 

My second story revolves around the only man that I truly loved.  He had Hepatitis C and HIV.  I don’t have either so you can stop worrying and wondering.  He had a horrible time with his meds and we had to take him to the hospital.  He was hallucinating, his body was swelling, and he was in pain.  Even though he told the doctor and nurse who I was to him, I had no rights.  I couldn’t speak for him.  They wouldn’t let me stay with him, even though he begged them.  Every day, I had to hear him beg them to let me stay until I just brought him home and we took care of it at home.  It was heart breaking because he couldn’t get the medical attention he deserved and respect we deserved.  I was even told by the doctor to go to a different hospital next time that was further away because they couldn’t treat him. I have no idea what that meant, but we never went back.

It has happened and it does happen.  Without having laws that protect all citizens, it will continue to happen.  The bigots, racists and judgmental will continue to cause terror in the hearts of all citizens

Were these judgmental, racist, bigoted politicians the bully as children?  I think yes.  Did they grow out of it? I think no.

            When I think about items that may or may not directly affect me, I am reminded of the words of Martin Niemoller, in regards to Nazi Germany.

            “First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”

Remember the above as you think of bullies, rights for all citizens, police action, immigration, race relations, and so on.  Don’t let the most selfish of us dictate the actions for all of us.