"Sex is like snow" and other thoughts 03/24/2013

The Big Gay Jay Show

 

 

 

 

Hello all of my avid readers....which since this is my second post will probably be two of you.  It is great to be back with you to share my insight and opinions.  Remember commentary is my opinion and not fact, though I may think it is.  Please feel free to add comments and suggestions after you read.  I greatly appreciate all feedback and may or may not listen to you, but at least you got to say your peace of mind about my inner thoughts.

 

 

 Let us start by diving in the pool of Strange News. I was surfing for material this week I came across two articles that tickled my funny bone and made me shake my head. There are some real wingdingers out there, but these are the two I liked the most.

 

1st from the website "The Week", I found the following article.

 

A Kentucky teen was charged with disorderly conduct for falsely yelling "bingo" in a bingo hall. District Judge Douglas Grothaus likened 18-year-old Austin Whaley's prank to yelling "fire" in a crowded theater, and ordered the teen not to say the word "bingo" for six months. "People take their bingo very seriously," the judge said.

Are you kidding me?  Really?  How do you enforce this ruling?  Do you hire a police officer just to follow the young man around?  I am all for making today's youth realize that there are consequences to their actions, but isn't this a bit odd and unrealistic.  Wouldn't he learn his lesson if you made him do community service like calling out BINGO Numbers at the local Nursing Home or serving food at a local soup kitchen?  I don't know if I find it funny that someone actually got in trouble for deliberately yelling a false "BINGO" or because the judge actually took it serious and gave some bogus ruling setting one of the dumbest precedents I have ever heard. 

 

2nd from "NPR", I found a telling yet disturbing statistic.  I just got the first couple of paragraphs because it just makes me shake my head.  I recommend going to the site and reading the full article.

 

Mobile phones have become ubiquitous across Africa and Asia, but lowly toilets haven't.

Right now, 6 billion people around the world have cellphones. But only 4.5 billion people have access to a clean commode, the United Nations said Thursday.

That leaves more than 2.5 billion people without a safe place to use the bathroom and more than a million resorting to going out in the open. Both practices, needless to say, can take a deadly toll on communities by dirtying water supplies and spreading diseases.

Okay...I understand I was lucky enough to have been born in the United States and I was raised with indoor plumbing, air conditioning, McDonald's, television and so on and so forth.  I understand that cleanliness is a healthy way to live.  My mother is still trying to bore in my head that I would feel better if my room didn't look like a tornado hit it.  It is sad that there is a good many people in the world that quite frankly don't have a bodily waste removal system other than their closest stream. 

 

 I will never swim in a lake, drink from a spring or  go floating on a river without some kind of antiseptic, antibiotic or...  I do have a flask of vodka with me most times and that should kill most bacteria right?....I guess I'm good.  Potty On 2.5 billion!!!

 

 Here are some funny quotes.

 Billy Crystal, "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”

Anonymous,“Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last”

Anthony Hopkins, “I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette.” - I like this regimen.

This Weeks Belle of the Ball is beautiful, fun and entertaining Kelly Osbourne. 

Who knew several years ago that the Gothic/Emo, vulgar, oddball child of Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne would grow up to be such a sophisticated young woman?  She is simply gorgeous and probably one of only a few younger ladies I find completely mesmerizing and fascinating.  She has really solidified herself as television personality thanks to her current job on "Fashion Police", her love for fashion and her unique style that shows the hard rock and roll child paired with the beautiful, soft sophisticated woman.  I love her and see great things in the future for this young style icon.

 I promise next weeks blog will not have Joan Rivers ( who I adore) or Guiliana Rancic (who is stunning) or Fashion Police.  I promise. I swear.

 New Segment....Called HUH?!?!?!?!

This segment is too pose a question to my audience to hopefully get a plausible solution to why such silliness happens or continues.
 

 Here is my silliness.  Why do the Networks not give a new show a chance to survive before they axe it?  Followers and supporters of Family Guy brought this great gem back from the ashes.  Have you even talked to a fan of Firefly?  Talk about a missed opportunity for the next great franchise.  To join Firefly on TV Cancellation Island are a few new shows which have people talking.  If no one else, I am talking about them.

Zero Hour....Why even start a series like this if you don't plan on completely at least one full season?  You got me enthralled in the story of Nazi's, Armageddon, doppelgangers, clones and so on.  Anthony Edwards as usual turned in a fantastic performance.  I also know that the word of mouth was just starting to get people interested in the whole process.  However, because of low ratings and a horrible time slot, it has been axed.

Last Resort...I have plenty of friends who are invested in this show and really liked it.  I can't comment on the plot or acting skills, because it wasn't my thing.  However, I have friends (and yes, they are real) who really miss this show and feel let down by the network because they didn't give it a real chance.








Partners....Was it the best show on TV?  No, it wasn't.  Was writing spectacular?  It was okay and getting better and better each episode.  The cast was fun and interesting.  They were quirky, fun to watch and, with a little bit of a writing tweak, I believe would have been the Next Will & Grace.  Hire me....I will write for it and bring it back from the Island of Misfit Programming.

Lastly, If you don't know by now, I am competition reality show whore.  I love Survivor, Amazing Race, Big Brother and so on.  This love is why I was so excited for The Job.  It was hosted by Lisa Ling and it pitted five potential new hires in a certain field against one another.  It wasn't claw your eyes out, back stabbing, trash talking behavior, which is why it probably didn't last.  The five potential candidates worked a day the company doing the hiring, defended the decisions they made, were tested by the potential company and grilled about the business and their resume.  Also there were three competitor companies in the same field who could offer a position to any of the candidates and steal them from the main company hiring.  I really enjoyed it.  It would just taken a few more hard hitting questions and tweak in the selection process and I think it would have been a hit.  Again call me and will fix it.

Why do they not give these and other shows a chance?  It is because of the Nielsen ratings.  A ratings system adapted from Radio for Television.  The data is collected by a device connected to the televisions of certain homes.  I have never met anyone who are one of these people nor have I ever been asked to be one of these people.  My opinion is this is an antiquated system of data gathering.  I watch a lot of items through Hulu, the Network's website, record them on my DVR and so on.  There are so many ways to watch programming now that I strongly believe that the Nielsen rating system either needs to be revamped to include such criteria or scrapped and new one replace it.



 

Since I am on a roll, I will go to this weeks BREAK DOWN. 

 

 

I will continue with the next generation like I did with Belle of the Ball.  When thinking of young people that could use my guidance, I came across many who could use a guiding hand.  So I picked the one that concerns me the most because his star is burning the brightest.  Ladies and Gentlemen, let us discuss my favorite singing lesbian,  Justin Bieber.  I joke, but, lets get real, he looks like most young lesbians I know and have known.  He's copied their look not the other way around.  But I digress.

 

The Biebs, as most people want to call him, has had a rash of incidents lately.  It is hard to remember that he is just a teenager because he's been in the limelight for a very long time.  I realize that I am not his demographic and I actually think it is gross when I hear gay men and straight woman my age talk in appropriately about what they would do Justin.  Beyond that, his recent decisions and comments concern me.

 

Biebs look.  Are most people jealous of you?  I would say yes.  Do they want to get a rise out of you?  I would say yes.  It must be difficult to go through puberty in front of the whole world today.  You can't fart without some news whore commenting on it least of all go through a break up.  Most of the outburst you have had I can chalk it up to being immature and being a 19 yr old boy. I say boy  not out of disrespect or being funny but because any real man will admit that we don't really grow up until after 40. 

However, this excerpt is kind of offensive "I’m 19 with 5 number one albums, 19 and I’ve seen the whole world. 19 and I’ve accomplished more than I could’ve ever dreamed of. I’m 19 and it must be scary to some people to think that this is just the beginning." I get it you are trying to defend yourself, but you don't need to do it.  Your success should speak for itself without you adding a voice to it.  I just don't want this clingy, bitchy, tear some down so we can stomp on them world bring you to bad places.

 

The last thing I do want to say is common decency goes a long way.  I know you do a lot of things for your fans and I respect you for that measure.  However, being 2 hours late to a concert or moving a concert from city to another at a moments noticed and kind of blowing it off or making excuses doesn't cut it.  These fans are the reason have been able to do all of the above.  You should just apologized and not said another word so again no could use to try and tear you down.

That is my sit down with the Biebs.  I put some pics up so you can drool.  I hope your happy.

 

Time for my

 PRIME CHOICE

BEEF of the WEEK.

Most people would say isn't the Biebs enough beef

I will try not to drool too much.  I just know that I could lick his chest.  Yes, I said what you were thinking.  I could and would run my tongue up and down his breastbone and over six pack.  Oh my...Hot Flash just came on.

 

Besides the obvious sculpted body and display of manliness in this film.  He shows his incredible talent in the romantic comedy, "Playing for Keeps".  He played a SCILF(Soccer Coach I'ld Like to F*#!) and who wouldn't take him home.  

 

Recently, he is Olympus Has Fallen about terrorists (I think) taking over the White House and holding our beloved Aaron Ekhart (president) as hostage.  A lot of critics are calling the film Die Hard in the White House, but who cares it looks like fun and I get to see the hotness of Gerard Butler.

 

If you want to see his films, check out the following Phantom of the Opera, Mrs. Brown, Dracula 2000 and Lara Croft Tomb Raider: the Cradle of Life just to mention a few.  He is a good actore but he is so good to look at as well.

 

 

In closing, let me give you tease for next week, I've decided my breakdown will be Glee.  I will give you up front and personal taste of the life that is Big Gay Jay.  I will have more beef to share.  But here's the last segment which is new........

 

 

Here are my answer to some of the if questions from my favorite book, "The Big Book of If" by Evelyn McFarlane and James Saywell.

1) If you were to be granted one wish, what would it be?

 That my son and his fiance would have a comfortable, happy and long life together to the end of their days.

2) If you could spend one whole night alone with anyone in the world who is currently alive, who would you select?

It doesn't say what we will be doing so that would be a big factor of who I would pick.  With that said, I would want someone who would have fun, drink and possibly turn to a little hanky panky.  My pick would be James Franco

 3) If you could spend one whole night with anyone in history, who would you chose?

 A lot of people might say Jesus, Albert Einstein, Mohammad, Moses, William Shakespeare any of the great minds and religious leaders of the past.  I would want Alexander the Great. I would ask about his conquests and life....what is true and what is a myth.

I am extremely interested in the Greek Era.  Alexander was one of the key people of this era.  He conquered his known world and did most things by the time he died at the age of 33.  Course, it doesn't hurt that he was so suppose to be very attractive and possibly gay.





4) If you could physically transport yourself to any place in the world at this moment, where would you go?

It is currently snowing and I want to live somewhere tropical.  I fell in love with San Jose Costa Rica the moment I landed in 2011 so I would want to be transported to San Jose Costa Rica

Tell me what would your answers be.

There you go folks....Blog of the week.  May all your drinks be mixed well and heavily poured.

Big Gay Jay