Bullies, Police Brutality and Politicians

For the good portion of 45 years, I have watched the great U.S of A struggle with many social issues and have always felt we, as a country, would come out the other side a better place and better people.  For the most part this has been true.  It hasn’t been until recently that I started thinking like an old man in my head and grow concerned with the country’s future. 

We have politicians fighting for the power to discriminate against people that go against their “deeply held religious beliefs”. Police officers that use extreme deadly force under suspicious or blatantly wrongful circumstances.  Children are still being bullied, victims of bullying still taking their lives, and the parents still in disbelief that their kids are the bullies or they don’t care if their children are or not.  Racism still flourishes in this country.  Bigots are elected as politicians.  Zealots are trying to change the unique ground that our great country was built upon.  Are we looking at the end of the United States of America?  Who’s to blame?  Voter apathy?  Big Corporations? Religious Zealots?  Angry Activists?  Political Pundits?  Media?  All of us?

Let me start with the one that really hurts my soul.  My heart aches each time I hear of a young life ending because of suicide in general.  I always think of the potential of the young life and I first wonder why.  What drove them to believe this was the correct action for their life?

First, let us differentiate between the individuals that commit suicide due to terminal illness and those that commit suicide for other reasons.  It is a very scary decision to make and an even scarier action to follow through. I understand someone with a terminal illness that wishes to stop fighting and suffering.  I understand them wanting to leave their loved ones with fond memories of them, instead of unpleasant memories.  My heart goes out to them and their family, but I understand that is a tough decision to make.

That decision is different from those that make the decision because of bullying or extreme pressure.  I understand this decision all too well.  If you have read my blog postings before you know, I was a victim of bullying as a child and I still harbor hard feelings to towards my bullies.  I had contemplated suicide on several occasions for various reasons.  Luckily, I never did it because I always had a great support group and supportive family.

I can tell you that bullying needs to stop.  It is a form of terrorism.  I was scared every day of my young life to go to school because of bullies.  I was scared to play by myself in the neighborhood because of bullies.  To this day, I know their names and I remember their faces.  They were mean, cruel, and vicious. 

I survived and, for the longest time, I thought that was what made me have a tough skin.  I can hear LGBT derogatory comments aimed at me and I can laugh it off.  I felt bad for these young boys and girls who committed suicide and wished I could talk to them so they realized they weren’t alone and tell them you will get through this.  It will be okay.

It took me twenty plus years to realize that it wasn’t the bullies that made me tougher.  It was my supportive friends and supportive family, but most of all me.  I then realized as I opened my eyes that these supportive friends and family were all victims of this terrorism because they loved me.  They knew they couldn’t be around me all the time and worried about me. 

These sayings that “children are just mean”, “boys will be boys”, or “they are just going through a mean phase” are BS.  No child should fear to go to school, church, or outside to play and no parent should have to worry about their children.  This should not be accepted and, if you think your child is not a bully, you are joking yourself.  It can come in all forms and even victims of bullies and can bully someone else.  It is definitely a discussion that needs to be had in every home.

 

Bullying and hatred are learned behavior.  I’m not laying all the blame at the feet of the parents because these children can learn this crap from several places.  They can learn it from a favorite relative or family friend, church, teacher, friend’s parents and so on.  They have several places to learn this behavior.  It is however, the parent’s responsibility to weed through all of the outside influences so they can help their children process this information and come up with mature decisions.

Just because a girl wants to play football doesn’t mean that she is a lesbian.  Just because a boy plays with Barbie dolls doesn’t mean he is gay.  All Black or African-American children don’t have athletic aspirations or are doing something illegal.  All Arabic children are not Islamic zealots.  All Latin children are not diseased and illegal.  All White children are not racists.  All Christian children are not insensitive bigots.

We stop judging each other and teach our children to stop judging others this hopefully will go away.  We need to stop gossiping and trying to be better than each other.  We have to stop talking about gender specific roles that men or boys can’t do this because it is for women and vice versa.  Once we as adults stop doing this, the children will learn because the children learn their behavior by what they see and it is from us.  We, as a whole, are guilty for allowing this bullying to continue in our society.

            Now the next hot topic that is causing me stress.  The police brutality seemingly getting out of control.  My questions is has it ever been under control.  The Black and/or African-American Community have been complaining about this my entire life.  It can’t be anything new.  However, with today’s technology showing without a doubt that an officer used unnecessary actions for the crime that turned deadly and the officer doesn’t get indicted for at least manslaughter, is a complete absurdity to put I lightly.

            I will begin with Ferguson.  I knew the officer was not going to get indicted.  There were conflicting stories and conflicting evidence.  Should it have gone to a jury instead of a grand jury?  Yes, I believe it should have.  Do I believe he used unnecessary action towards the young man?  Yes, I believe he did. 

            The problem is that is my belief and I wasn’t there.  I don’t have a video tape of the actions.  The only video tape I have is showing the victim committing a crime earlier that day. Other than that I have to rely on the investigation.

            Now the Staten Island death, we have video tape of this incident.  We know that the man was selling cigarettes illegally.  We know he was a big guy and the police officers were smaller than him.  Maybe I missed it, but I am not sure when he threatened the police with harm.  The police may have been intimated because of his size.

            Besides that, the police officer got him in a headlock and forced him to the ground.  Remember this is for selling cigarettes.  I know they weren’t taxed, but still it is for selling cigarettes.  Doesn’t this seem a little excessive? 

            Now he’s on the ground and he clearly states several times that he can’t breathe.  Why didn’t the officer loosen his grip a little?  Why didn’t he check on him?  Did he think he was lying?  Why didn’t he take precautions, if he thought he was hurting him?  Did he not care because he knew he would never be indicted, if the worst case scenario happened?

            I can only have questions because I am not a criminologist or police officer.  I am not a lawyer, district attorney or judge.  The only knowledge about any of these professions I have come from watching television.  Unfortunately, I think that extends to the majority of us and we take what we see on CSI or Criminal Minds and apply to real cases, but I digress.  He should have been brought before a jury.

            This of course leads me to more questions.  Are all suspicious people treated the same way?  Are white criminals or suspects treated the same as criminals or suspects of color?  I would love to be able to say yes, but clearly recent events, tweets, and postings show that the answer is no.

            Recently a couple of deputies were caught exchanging racial comments and jokes between each other on their personal phones.  Yes, it may have been on their personal phones, but at what time do those jokes taint their judgment and we have another dead teen of color.  They are too uphold the law and not let their personal beliefs get in the way of their job.  If they use derogatory terms about a person like the “n” word or the “f” word, does that cloud their judgment on how they will treat a person they would use that word to describe?

            Were these judgmental, racist, bigoted cops the bully as children?  I think yes.  Did they grow out of it? I think no.

            Lastly, the last couple of years have seen a great big surge in marriage equality.  This has started me on finding a husband because my dream wedding can be realized.  Yes, I have always dreamed of a big wedding, so when it happens you will all be invited.

            Though we have made large strides in this area.  There are politicians who think it is okay to deny LGBT jobs and housing and fight adding us to Anti-Discrimination laws.  They also want to pass or in some backwards states, counties and cities have passed laws or ordinances where someone can deny services to a person because of their “deeply held beliefs”.  This infuriates me because they have reason to do either of these except out of pure meanness and spite. 

            They have said the LGBT community is going after the children to recruit them, when the religious zealots at the center of this storm are fighting to change the history books to show that our forefathers got all of their ideas and wisdom from Moses.  They want this taught in the schools.  They also don’t want any other theories taught to their children that includes evolution, of course.  Who’s trying to indoctrinate the children?

            Why can’t people see that we don’t want special rights?  We want the right to work without being fired.  We want the right to live in an apartment without fear of the landlord throwing us out.  We want the right to marry and have it recognized by doctors, tax, and lawyers so we can have the same protection that a man and wife have.  My social security can go to my surviving spouse just like a heterosexual’s social security does.  Doctors will allow my husband to be with me as I die.  My husband can retrieve what I give him in a will regardless what others think and can make decisions for me when I can’t.  What’s the difference?  Why do they find it so threatening?

You say none of this has happened.  I can tell you of two instances where I was forced to deal with this issue and, if I were stronger, I would have a lot more money.

At the age of twenty, I was working at hotel at the front desk and in their breakfast area.  I was pulled into the General Manager’s office one day along with the Director of Guest Services.  I was told that they had to let go of me because I was too gay.  That was exactly what they told me.  I had recently come out to myself and a handful of family members.  I was devastated, embarrassed and brought to my lowest point in my life.  I lost my job because I was too gay.  It was horrible and this could still happen.  Even though everyone at work knows I am gay, I am still afraid of being fired because of it.  It is also why I don’t come to work with my flame burning brighter than a bonfire. 

My second story revolves around the only man that I truly loved.  He had Hepatitis C and HIV.  I don’t have either so you can stop worrying and wondering.  He had a horrible time with his meds and we had to take him to the hospital.  He was hallucinating, his body was swelling, and he was in pain.  Even though he told the doctor and nurse who I was to him, I had no rights.  I couldn’t speak for him.  They wouldn’t let me stay with him, even though he begged them.  Every day, I had to hear him beg them to let me stay until I just brought him home and we took care of it at home.  It was heart breaking because he couldn’t get the medical attention he deserved and respect we deserved.  I was even told by the doctor to go to a different hospital next time that was further away because they couldn’t treat him. I have no idea what that meant, but we never went back.

It has happened and it does happen.  Without having laws that protect all citizens, it will continue to happen.  The bigots, racists and judgmental will continue to cause terror in the hearts of all citizens

Were these judgmental, racist, bigoted politicians the bully as children?  I think yes.  Did they grow out of it? I think no.

            When I think about items that may or may not directly affect me, I am reminded of the words of Martin Niemoller, in regards to Nazi Germany.

            “First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”

Remember the above as you think of bullies, rights for all citizens, police action, immigration, race relations, and so on.  Don’t let the most selfish of us dictate the actions for all of us.  

TV Mom Greats from the 50's and 60's.

"My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation." -- Mark Twain

Television sitcom families have been around almost since the dawn of television.  The idea and model of television families have evolved over the last sixty plus years.  The sitcom is to suspend life for thirty minutes so we can stop stressing, relax and laugh at over exaggerated examples of everyday life or what we wish we could do in certain situations but because of good manners and upbringing we don’t.  Whether they are down to earth, the rock, zany, sane, or completely out of their mind, the sitcom mother is often the very center of the sitcom family and often lives in our memories forever.  With the help of my fond memories and the Internet, I will attempt to list out the top television moms per decade.  Let’s get this party and celebration going.

The 1950’s was a time of paradox.  We had come out of a war in the previous decade, but because of the atomic bomb a peaceful time was covered in fear of who was going to drop the next atomic bomb.  Families grew and the population of cities grew out and moved to suburbs.  The population wanted progression, but wanted to mainstay there conservative lifestyle.  It was time to conform to the Jones, but the younger population were itching to rebel.  Religion grew and because everyone was trying to keep up with the Jones’s, materialism grew as well.

Television moms ran the gambit of conservative to wacky.  They were real trailblazers and because of reruns for most of us, they hold special places in our hearts.  Please remember these are in no particular order.

We first have the Queen of Physical comedy, Lucille Ball.  Most of us have our favorite episode of I Love Lucy’s wacky housewife of a Cuban band leader, who strived for the limelight, but was always kept at home cleaning, giving birth to Little Rickey and caring for Big Ricky and Little Ricky.  Lucy Ricardo taught us to dream big, live big and to never give up on our dreams all with love and a laugh.  My favorite episode is the classic Vitameatvegamin.

Probably the most well known mother is June Cleaver from Leave It to Beaver played by Barbara Billingsly.

  When I was growing up, she was there everyday after school waiting for me and the Beaver so she give us great motherly love and motherly love.  She was always had a spotless home, took care of her family and informed her husband of any issues the boys were having.  You have to love the pearls she wore.  I wonder if she gardened in them and did Wally teach her how to speak jive.

A less conservative mother but just as equally conforming was Margaret Anderson from Father Knows Best.  She was the voice of reason for the household.  She had three busy children with Betty, Bud and Kitten and he thoughtful husband, who doled out the sage advice.  Jane Wyatt did a great a job as Margaret Anderson and as you can tell the pearls were a trend.

That brings us to The Donna Reed Show starring Donna Reed, another pearl wearing mother bringing up a family in suburbia.  Donna Reed played Donna Stone.  She had two kids, Mary and Jeff, and was married to a pediatrician, Alex Stone.  She not only cleaned and cooked for her family but was very active in the community of Hilldale.  She was also a nurse and would often lend a hand to her husband’s practice.  She was completely a conformer like Margaret or June, but she wasn’t totally out there like Lucy.  I forgot how much I really liked this show until I researched it.  I forgot that I had a crush on Jeff Stone, which is funny since one of my best buds is named Jeff Stone.

I complete my run of the 1950’s with Harriet Nelson.  The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet were a real life family playing their fictional selves.  Harriet was another mother who dealt with two young boys and her husband while keeping up the house and doling out love and support for her family.          You can tell she is the true captain of this ship but decides to sit back and let Ozzie believe that he is steering this family.

I’m sure I left someone out or tell me your fond memories of the 50’s classic TV Sitcom Moms.

The 1960’s were all about social struggles, cultural changes and political upheavals.  It was decade of revolution about clothes, music, drugs, and formalities.  It was filled with the struggles of changing culture and people tired of being put down, walked upon and discriminated against.  We saw feminism and the civil rights movement explode, schools integrated, Dr. King’s Speech, Camelot, assassinations and by the end of the decade the LGBT rights movement found steam and we put two men on the moon.  With all of this pushing the envelope, struggles and social change, the television family had to evolve.  Welcome to the Swinging Sixties baby and her are the moms.

 

What better way to start than to start with Elizabeth Montgomery as Samantha Stephens in Bewitched.  We not only get one mom with this show but we get a second mom, Agnes Moorhead as Endora.  This show really shows the difference between 1050’s and 1960’s.  Samantha tried to fit into suburbia with her husband Darren and later daughter, Tabitha.  She tried to conform, but her outlandish relatives and her desire to help her husband succeed in life made that a little difficult.  Her biggest conflict was her disapproving mother Endora, who didn’t like that she married a mortal.  Endora was eccentric, sarcastic and an elitist, if she were popping pills and swilling back bourbon, she could’ve been Karen Walker.  Both these characters were actually representative of the time.  Endora represented the past and what she had dreamed for her off spring to marry a nice a warlock, even though she wore the brightest and most gaudy costumes and make up and Samantha was the rebellious one because she wanted to marry a boring mortal and dressed very conservatively.  I loved that Endora would never call Darren by his name. 

Fish out of water themes seem to run in the Sixites and there was no other family that was more out of their

element than the Clampetts.  The Beverly Hillbillies are our beloved cousins.  Everyone might think that Jed Clampett ran the show, but southerners know the truth.  Granny ran that show.  Granny was brilliantly played by Irene Ryan.  She was full spit and fire, love and tenderness and out right orneriness.   She would put the fear of life into Jethro, console Ellie Mae and even give Ms. Hathaway some good down home advice all the while making sure Jed remembered and respected his roots.  Some of us had a granny like Granny Clampett and we are far better for having her in our life.

Hope on the train and come down to Petticoat Junction.  Kate Bradley played by Bea Benaderet, who ran a hotel, tried to get good husbands for her three beautiful daughters, reel in Uncle Joe and put up with the character inhabitants of Hooterville.  Kate was the rock to all the shenanigans that were going around her in the Shady Rest Hotel.  It was very unfortunate that Bea Benaderet passed away when she did because I think the show had a few more seasons in it.  You have to love a single mom who can run her own business and be a match maker for her daughters.

They’re creepy and they’re kooky. Mysterious and spooky.  They’re altogether ooky.  The Addams Family (snap snap).  Who doesn’t remember the divine Carolyn Jones as Morticia Addams, the ghoulish hostess with the mostess? Talk about not conforming and a counter culture, this family dealt with everyday problems in the complete opposite day then the regular families would and we loved.  Morticia loved her children unconditionally.  She was sexy and seducing.  She was absolutely in love with her husband Gomez.  Plus don’t forget the often crazy, fortune telling, wing nut Grandmama played by Marie Blake. 

Hold on to your top because her comes Lillian Munster, the matriarch of 1313 Mockingbird Lane and beautifully played by Yvonne De Carlo.  Where The Addams Family could care less about fitting in, the Munsters wanted to fit in but could never do it because it was so much easier to do things as they had always done it.  Lillian Munster was more the captain of this ship with Herman and Grandpa pulling these outlandish ideas and schemes landing them in trouble which they would have to fix or deal with Lillian’s wrath.  She’s probably one of the first real strong mother characters.

Talk about sexy, who could be sexier than America’s Sweetheart and little Ritchie’s mom, Laure Petrie from The Dick Van Dyke show played by the talented and gorgeous Mary Tyler Moore.  She was a wonderful wife to Rob and a great mom to Ritchie, but she was not always the voice of reason.  She had her own issues and crazy moments.  She wasn’t only cleaning up after her men because it at times she was trying to cover up her mess so they wouldn’t see her imperfections, but they always came to surface and everyone laughed.  This was a mom who knew how to run her house, entertain and laugh at herself when she was being silly.  Watch this awesome clip from The Dick Van Dyke Show.

Not only did we have witch families and monster families in the Sixties, we had cavemen families that brought us two moms, Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble.  This animation series was groundbreaking, not only did it show an animated pregnant Wilma but also the adoption of Bam Bam by Betty and Barney because they can’t conceive.  Wilma and Betty were often the calm of the storm of Fred and Barney, but every now and then they had their own adventure.  Who can forget the theme song to The Flintstones?

From the stone age to flying cars we go and meet the Jetson’s.  Jane Jetson was once again the calm of the

storm of her chaotic family most of the time.  She had to maintain her home, while her husband George pulled off some crazy antics; her daughter Judy pined over some boy; and her son Elroy created or experimented on some dangerous and explosive.  She is into the latest and greatest gadgets, love shopping and is an art lover.  She is refined and cultured which is the opposite of George, but she still loves him. I will wrap this up in a nice bow.  Here are The Jetsons.

Again I’m sure I left someone out or tell me your fond memories of the 60’s far out TV Sitcom Moms.

There you have the 50's and 60's.  Next time I will showcase the 70's and 80's I hope you enjoyed it.  

Until next time, may your wine never turn and your glass never empty.

05/04

 

“Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.”
― Zora Neale Hurston



Hello all.  Sorry it has been two weeks.  I had some technical issues.  Needless to say, the technical issue was user error.  What can I say I am not a technological guy.

Without further ado, today's blog is about the latest politician asshole.

Steve Hickey is a Republican member of the South Dakota House of Representatives since 2011.  He earned his BA from Mid-America Nazarene College and his MDiv from North Park Theological Seminary. With this short brief history, you can guess his standing on LGBT or equality issues. His recent comments is what make him a candidate for Asshole of the Month. 

 

 

I’m sure you must already know what he said but I will force myself to type it for those of you who do not know his statement.  He not only uses middle school analogies, but attacks other member of the LGBT community as well.  Below from The Advocate are his statements which were posted on Facebook.

“Certainly there are board-certified doctors in our state who will attest to what seems self-evident to so many: gay sex is not good for the body or mind. Pardon a crude comparison but regarding men with men, we are talking about a one-way alley meant only for the garbage truck to go down.”

 

Furthermore in an attempt to explain his stand on school policies to accommodate transgender students because of a high suicide rate among transgender youth, Rep, Hickey states that letting boys play girl sports is not the beginning position to fix the suicide problem or the very real daily issues these students face dealing with something they have been handed in life.  He wonders if by accommodating the students, does it open them up to more painful issues all the while transferring serious anxieties to other innocent and impressionable ones in those locker rooms.

 

He issues “a call to the medical and psychological communities and associations to weigh in publicly and timely on the matter of homosexuality and the human body, psyche and family, particular kids.”    

Finally, he states that since these posts he has gotten many correspondence detailing how someone will rape or hurt him.  Really someone wants to rape him.  I’ve been out and proud for over 20 years and, even though I don’t know all gay people, I do know a good cross section of those people.  I can’t see any of them wanting to rape you, Rep Hickey.  Please keep your fear and religion out of politics.  If you can’t, step down immediately.

 

Does he not realize that gay men are not the only people who have anal sex?  Many heterosexual couples have anal sex.  Just as you, Rep Hickey, think all gay men are running around humping each other’s ass at any given moment of any given day, you think all heterosexual couples have sex in the missionary position.  I wonder if you think they all still have sex while in their night shirts like Ma and Pa Ingalls did. 

 

How dare you flippantly show concern for transgender youth while at the same time afraid how they will hurt “innocent and impressionable ones”! Do you not think transgender students are not innocent or impressionable?  Are you afraid that they will have the “innocent” believe they are transgender?

 

You are a backwards asshole.  Not all gay men have anal sex and not only gay men have anal sex.  Grow Up Representative Hickey!  Transgender student’s anxieties will not rub off on your “innocent” children.  However, I do worry about transgender students being thrust into more painful derogatory remarks and actions from your “innocent” children and people like you.  Even though it scares me, if we don’t do something, nothing will change and these poor youth will continue to run away, attempt suicide, drugs and so on.

 

 

The center of this story is that religion needs to be left out of politics.  Rep Hickey step down from your position and crawl back under the rock from where you emerged.
 

That's it for today.  Until next time, may your bartender mix your drinks well and use top shelf booze.

04.20 Music & Love

Hello my faithful two readers.  It's great to have join me again for rantings and ramblings from yours truly.  I know seem to jump all over the place with my blog and I guess that is because I have a lot to say about many things that interest me.  I like movies, celebrities, men, music, television, travel, and so on.  This week I want to focus on music and my endless desire to find close intimate love.  Open a bottle of Merlot, pour yourself a glass (or three) and let's begin.

I am the type of guy that can fall in love very easily.  I trust people sometimes too quick.  I give them my heart because of a gut feeling I have.  Most of the time I do not regret it.  However, every now and then I do or I don't trust my gut and either give it to the wrong person or don't give it at all and miss the opportunity.

I also suffer from a very small confidence level.  I hate rejection and because I can't handle it I end up rejecting myself without giving the other person a chance to accept me.  I guess this is defense mechanism, but it really only succeeds in making sure I will be alone and single.

I know a lot of people are like what is wrong with being single.  I guess there is nothing wrong with it.  I'm just tired of coming home to an empty apartment.  I wish someone was here to have dinner together, to lie in bed a watch a scary movie together or just talk.  Which leads to me to my first song of the blog?

All By Myself - Celine Dion



I have fallen in love many times.  I really only had one relationship that ever flourished into anything of some value.  His name was Kenny and I met him Florida.  It was the first time in my life that I had ever seen someone and fell in love in a glance.  It was very odd for me because I had had crushes on classmates and friends and the occasional tryst, but I had never felt my heart stop as it did when I first met him.

He was this rocker looking guy from Brooklyn.  He was a definite bad boy.  He had a horrible childhood and parents.  He had a horrible misunderstood life with a mean ex-wife, ungrateful kids, prison history, medical issues and recovering drug addict.  Everything he was was everything I wasn't.  He needed love and tenderness.  I thought I could give it to him.

I found out after close to seven years that apparently he didn't want any of that from me.  He left me for red headed stripper he met on the Internet.  I was devastated.  I was embarrassed.  I was starting to make a big deal with my family that this was my life partner and he should be welcomed to family events and then he ups and leaves me for Candy Dandy the Stripper.  Almost the exact time the next song came out and it was my mantra.

Strong Enough - Cher

After Kenny, I went quite a while without having anyone really too mention.  I was in and out of love/lust.  Things could have progressed with several men but because of my baggage or their baggage it did not happen.  However two men come to mind that got away for different reasons.  They were both friends and at one time I knew them when they were single, but they both found partners.  I could either become the other person or not.  I choose not to do disrespect myself or them by walking or attempting to walk that path.

One was another rocker with long hair, smooth skin and a beautiful smile which I will call Jake.  The other was a fun, friendly, masculine guy named Wayne.  Both names of course are made up.  Wayne was my best friend and Jake was an occasional lover.  I wanted more from both of them, but they are either were unable or unwilling to give me the love I so desired.

Even though it hurt, I guess it was best that neither of them gave what I needed, because if they had my life would be different.  Would I have continued to the job and career I currently have?  Would I be living in Costa Rica and traveling Central America?  However, I still think if them fondly which brings me to my next song.

I Hate Myself For Loving You

I've moved to Costa Rica in July of this year.  I have been currently on this attempt to change my life.  I'm losing weight for health reasons.  I'm traveling because I've always wanted to do it.  I've changed my outlook at life and seriously have been happier than I ever have been before.  I want to share this with someone.  I decided to seriously search and look for a partner.  My thinking was maybe the men from the U.S. were my problem.

I signed up with six different dating applications and posted my profile.  I got a ton of replies at first and I thought I had really hit the mother load.  I met a few of them and quickly realized they were no different then the losers I had encountered in the U.S.  They were either young and looking for someone to pay their way through life or they were just really odd and into to things I wouldn't have my worst enemy do or they were just interested in sex and nothing more.

I am currently trying to get to know three different guys.  Will some of them read this blog?  Yes, they probably will.  I'm not that concerned because we have never had a discussion about being exclusive and I barely see any of them.  They are all younger than I am which is a bonus for me in my forties.  It strengthens my confidence and strokes my ego. See gay men and straight men think the same way.  We get middle aged and we want someone younger.

Two are very much younger and their names are Andrew and Owen.  Andrew is very immature but shares similar interests with me.  However, he is very much in the closet and his family is very religious.  I feel sorry for him because he has to hide himself and I know how that is and I enjoy being around him because we have fun.  The other young one is more mature but shares almost no interests me and loves to push my
buttons.  I enjoy going places with him because for the most part he enjoys being a tourist with me.  However, oddly enough neither young man shows passion in a relationship with me.  It is more like friends. Which leads us to our next song.

Whenever I Call You Friend - Kenny Loggins & Stevie Nicks

The last guy (Jonathan), I recently met and it was almost perfect.  He was closer to my age but still younger. We had similar interest and he wanted a relationship.  He was also passionate about being with me and getting to know me. We talked over the phone and text several times.  We finally met and I fell in love.  I tried not to fall in love.  I really tried to harness my emotions.  However, he was Cancer and I am Scorpio.  I had no choice but fall hopelessly in love.  I was either like a middle school girl or a lesbian because I was ready to pick out china patterns.

We've chatted since that time, but have not seen each other since.  I held off on texting him too early after our first official date, because I didn't want to seem to desperate.  It took him a day to respond.  I stated I wanted to see him again and have gotten no response.  I don't know what happened.  Maybe I am reading too much into it.  Maybe I am trying to move to fast.  Maybe I misread the signals.  Maybe he was just telling me what I wanted to hear.  The horrible thing about Jonathan is that he is the most passionate made I have met here in Costa Rica.  He made me feel wanted, needed, appreciated and desired.  Something no one else has accomplished yet.  Even though I want it to continue, I must face reality that it probably won't continue with him and if it does, I'm not sure it will be the eventual marriage that I am looking to have. This leads me to my two favorite songs at the moment.

Say Something

Stay With Me - Sam Smith

There's the look into my life and what I am thinking about tonight.  Am I destined to be alone with just one night stands in my future?  Can I build a life with someone who shows no passion?  Do I run them off?  Am I too picky?  What am I doing wrong?  The good thing about being a Scorpio is that we love to analyze ourselves and the people in our life.  The bad thing about being a Scorpio is that we tend to over analyze to the point where we stunt our relationships or growth.  Oh well, no matter the outcome of my soul searching.  I will continue to search for the guy to share all the wonders and adventures that are in my future.

Alright gang until next time.  May your bartender be hot and heavy handed when pouring your drink.

04.12

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

Benjamin Franklin

Hello my dear readers.  This week has brought things to my attention.  A fond farewell, a replacement, a new show I came across and a little personal observation/story are the focus of this weeks blog.  Get your drink and lets start this thing.

A month or so ago, I was relieved to finally get Jay Leno off my television show.  I have never been a Jay Leno fan at all.  I found him boring, unfunny and a jerk.  I was however disgusted to hear his replacement would be the equally boring and overrated Jimmy Fallon.  I would continue to watch the Late Show with David Letterman because the Tonight Show was proven to be irrelevant to me.

Imagine my shock when David Letterman said he was going to retire.  My world went in a tizzy.  I wondered who would replace this icon.  Who could possibly helm the Late Show?  Would they continue with items that I loved like Stupid Pet Tricks, Stupid Human Tricks and the Top Ten List?  Would they be funny or would it be another horrible switch like Carson to Leno to Fallon?

It was revealed this week that none other than Stephen Colbert would be taking over the helm of this show.  I can't tell you how relieved I was to hear that this would be the new lead of the Late Show.  He's talented, charming, funny and current.  He will definitely take the Late Show far and beyond the Tonight Show.  I applaud CBS at this hiring.  It is amazing.

 Mickey Rooney 

When you think of classic movie stars, many names come to mind like Mary Pickford, Elizabeth Taylor, Cary Grant, Douglas Fairbanks, Jimmy Stewart, and so on and so forth.  One of the greatest actors was Mickey Rooney.  He starred in amazing films from A Midsummer Night's Dream at 13 to Boys Town opposite Spencer Tracy to Babes in Arms with Judy Garland which he was nominated for Best Actor Oscar to The Black Stallion in 1979 to Night at the Museum with Ben Stiller.  

He wasn't only in great on the screen and stage, but by today's fame whore television standards, he could have had his own reality television program.  He was married eight times and had nine children.  He struggled with alcohol and pills.  He served the military during World War II for two years.  When he returned, he had to file bankruptcy and money trouble and abuse from loved ones allegedly followed him to his last days.

However, I will always remember him as this 5'2" ball of fire that lit up every screen or stage with his performances.  He was brilliant, engaging and energetic in all things he was in.  If you haven't had the chance to see his work, I would recommend seeing any of the below.  

Year Title 1927 Orchids and Ermine 1932 The Beast of the City Sin's Pay Day High Speed Fast Companions My Pal, the King Officer Thirteen 1933 The Big Cage The Life of Jimmy Dolan The Big Chance Broadway to Hollywood The Chief The World Changes 1934 Beloved The Lost Jungle I Like It That Way Manhattan Melodrama Love Birds Half a Sinner Hide-Out Chained Blind Date Death on the Diamond 1935 The County Chairman Reckless The Healer A Midsummer Night's Dream Rendezvous Ah, Wilderness! 1936 Riffraff Little Lord Fauntleroy Down the Stretch The Devil is a Sissy 1937 A Family Affair Captains Courageous Slave Ship Hoosier Schoolboy Live, Love and Learn Thoroughbreds Don't Cry You're Only Young Once 1938 Love Is a Headache Judge Hardy's Children Hold That Kiss Lord Jeff Love Finds Andy Hardy Boys Town Stablemates Out West with the Hardys 1939 The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn The Hardys Ride High Andy Hardy Gets Spring Fever Babes in Arms Judge Hardy and Son 1940 Young Tom Edison Andy Hardy Meets Debutante Strike Up the Band 1941 Andy Hardy's Private Secretary Men of Boys Town Life Begins for Andy Hardy Babes on Broadway 1942 The Courtship of Andy Hardy A Yank at Eton Andy Hardy's Double Life

Year Title 1943 The Human Comedy Thousands Cheer Girl Crazy 1944 Andy Hardy's Blonde Trouble National Velvet 1946 Love Laughs at Andy Hardy 1947 Killer McCoy 1948 Summer Holiday Words and Music 1949 The Big Wheel 1950 Quicksand The Fireball He's a Cockeyed Wonder 1951 My Outlaw Brother The Strip 1952 Sound Off 1953 Off Limits All Ashore A Slight Case of Larceny 1954 Drive a Crooked Road The Atomic Kid 1955 The Bridges at Toko-Ri The Twinkle in God's Eye 1956 The Bold and the Brave Francis in the Haunted House Magnificent Roughnecks 1957 Operation Mad Ball Baby Face Nelson 1958 A Nice Little Bank That Should Be Robbed Andy Hardy Comes Home 1959 The Big Operator The Last Mile 1960 Platinum High School The Private Lives of Adam and Eve 1961 King of the Roaring 20's – The Story of Arnold Rothstein Breakfast at Tiffany's Everything's Ducky 1962 Requiem for a Heavyweight 1963 It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World 1964 The Secret Invasion 1965 Twenty-Four Hours to Kill How to Stuff a Wild Bikini 1966 The Devil In Love Ambush Bay 1968 Skidoo 1969 The Extraordinary Seaman The Comic 80 Steps to Jonah 1970 Cockeyed Cowboys of Calico County Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town (voice) 1971 Mooch Goes to Hollywood The Manipulator 1972 Evil Roy Slade Richard Pulp 1973 The Godmothers 1974 Thunder County Rachel's Man Journey Back to Oz (voice) The Year Without a Santa Claus (voice) 1975 Ace of Hearts From Hong Kong with Love 1976 Find the Lady

Year Title 1977 The Domino Principle Pete's Dragon 1978 The Magic of Lassie 1979 The Black Stallion Arabian Adventure Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July (voice) 1981 The Fox and the Hound (voice) Bill 1982 The Emperor of Peru/Odyssey of the Pacific 1983 Bill: On His Own 1984 It Came Upon the Midnight Clear 1985 The Care Bears Movie (voice) 1986 Lightning, the White Stallion 1988 Bluegrass 1989 Erik the Viking Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland (voice) 1990 Home For Christmas 1991 My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys 1992 The Milky Life Sweet Justice Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker Little Nemo: Adventures In Slumberland Maximum Force 1993 The Legend of Wolf Mountain The Magic Voyage (voice) 1994 Revenge of the Red Baron The Outlaws: The Legend of O.B. Taggart Making Waves 1995 America: A Call to Greatness 1997 Killing Midnight 1998 The Face on the Barroom Floor Animals and the Tollkeeper Michael Kael vs. the World News Company The Snow Queen (voice) Sinbad: The Battle of the Dark Knights Babe: Pig in the City 1999 Holy Hollywood The First of May 2000 Internet Love Phantom of the Megaplex 2001 Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp's Adventure (voice) 2002 Topa Topa Bluffs 2003 Paradise 2005 Strike the Tent A Christmas Too Many 2006 The Thirsting To Kill a Mockumentary Night at the Museum 2007 The Yesterday Pool Bamboo Shark 2008 Lost Stallions: The Journey Home A Miser Brothers' Christmas (voice) 2010 Gerald 2011 The Muppets 2012 Last Will and Embezzlement 2014 Night at the Museum 3

Rest in Peace Puck.

       If we shadows have offended,

    Think but this, and all is mended,
     That you have but slumber'd here
   While these visions did appear.
  And this weak and idle theme,
  No more yielding but a dream, 

 Gentles, do not reprehend:
    if you pardon, we will mend:
    And, as I am an honest Puck, 

   If we have unearned luck
        Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
    We will make amends ere long;
 Else the Puck a liar call; 

   So, good night unto you all.
         Give me your hands, if we be friends,
        And Robin shall restore amends.

How about something personal?  I have always wanted to live, work and play in the business of entertainment. I just have never had the discipline or confidence to pursue it. I always wanted to be the lead actor, but most lead actors are a little more fit than I am.  

I was raised in a family that appreciated the performing arts.  My mother has always been a fan of film and television.  She also performed from time to time on stage at community theater productions.  Along with her enjoyment of the stage, she has a knack for drawing and painting.  She's always been very creative and has always encouraged creativity in my siblings and myself.

My twin older brothers have been in some kind of production or creative process for as long as I can remember.  They were both in their high school marching band, high school choir and high school performances.  They went on to college where they continued their theatrical performances, which they may think I was dragged to see these things and, as a spoiled young brat, I may not have show in it, but I really enjoyed it.  One brother went on to be one of the best forensics and debate teacher and the other went on be on of the most creative teacher and directors of High School theatrical productions.

I was raised watching every awards show. I was introduced to documentaries and independent films at a young age.  I was taught how to appreciate all types of music from classical to disco to country to pop and so on.  I was taught to see the beauty in the Nutcracker Suite and Xanadu, which isn't easy.  

With all of this, you may ask why am I not in LA writing the crap we see on television today and in films.  The answer is that I always let other things get in the way of this dream and I never really felt I needed to pursue it.  My mother has always told me that I should be a screen writer because of the imagination I had.  Now that I am getting older, I realize that my mother has been correct on so many levels and I think she was correct with this advice as well.  In fact, my urge to write has been stronger than ever, which is why I blog the ramblings that you read.

Why did my mother think I should write?  I had a very overactive imagination as a child.  I told I think it was my babysitter that my parents were getting divorced several years before they did.  I told someone that my mother had broken both her legs while pregnant and in a flood.  I remember playing with my friends and pretending we were characters from our favorite movies and television shows.  I wrote a silly murder mystery play in Agatha Christie style for a fifth grade writing project where the killer was a mute young man that was being bullied called "Writer's Block".  I also wrote a soap opera to get noticed at my new school when I was thirteen/fourteen and I listed my fellow students as characters like they were actors in a program so they wouldn't think it was about them personally.

My imagination and writing has progressed.  I just need to build my confidence.  I hate to have people read scripts I write because I am never happy with any of them.  I always think I can do better so I never let anyone see them.  However, I am getting to the point where I want someone to look at them and, of course, tell me it is awesome.  Take a drink with me and toast to building confidence.   "Clink"

As I have mentioned many times, my viewing options in Costa Rica are very limited.  I have watched the Irina season of Project Runway three times since I have been here.  I can't see NBC.  The majority of pay channels are in Spanish.  I have a Warner Brothers channel that air reruns of Big Bang Theory, Mom, Two and a Half Men and other shows.  I have a Sony Channel that shows the Voice and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.  I also have a channel called AXN which shows Criminal Minds, CSI, CSI:Miami, CSI:New York and Hannibal.  I also have the E Channel.

The E Channel has become my guilty pleasure.  I really enjoy the Fashion Police and Guiliana Rancic on E News.  They also show reruns of Project Runway and Tabitha Takes Over which I like.  However, because there is nothing else on, I get sucked into the Kardashians and other vapid shows that E air.

The latest of these valueless shows is #Rich Kids of Beverly Hills.  These spoiled rotten little young men and women have no talent.  They think they are better than everyone else and like to rub our faces in it.  They are not humble.  They don't care about anyone but themselves.  They blow through money that is not theirs and they act like everything should handed to them and everyone should wait on them hand and foot.  They have little to no redeeming qualities. Every single one of them are a disgrace.  Anyone who likes this show are just a shallow, insipid and vapid as the people on this show.

I don't know why we have to celebrate this kind of behavior by giving them their own show.  E needs to stop taking advice from Ryan Seacrest, the anti-christ., and get some good entertainment shows on their network instead of guilty pleasures like Ryan Seacrest produced shows or horrible things like this Rich Kids of Beverly Hills.  

While we are on the subject, can someone please send Ryan Seacrest back to the fiery pit he came from so he can stop giving us crap like this on television?  Is he trying to bombard us with talentless and worthless individuals so we can forget that he is the King of no talent?  He gave us the Kardashians, Married to Jonas and Shah's of Sunset.  With that kind of resume, you can't convince me that he doesn't have a hand in this #RKOBH show.  It smells like a bag of fiery poo just like all of the other shows he produces.

I drank two full glasses of wine after that rant.  

Almost at the end of the journey, we need to end on something fun.  How about a pic from each of the soon to be released marvel pics and one of Falcon from Captain America: Winter Soldier?  I can't wait for each of them.  

Until next time, may all your drinks be top shelf and stiff.