This week I have been inspired by the Emmy awards. So I have decided to give out my own
awards. The Big Gay Jay Awards will soon
have a broadcast that will contend with the Emmy’s. Networks will clamor to televise it, but
until then I will hand out the Golden Wine Glass to the Winners. I do mean winners because this isn’t those
other pansy awards where we say “the award goes to”. We will say probably “The Winner Is”.
1st Category is the “Biggest Entertainment News
Douchebag”. The nominees are….
Ryan Seacrest – the Alien from the distant planet of Uranus
that plans to drain the intelligence from the human race. He has shoved his opinions and radio
personality down our throats for years.
Now thanks to megalomaniac Simon Cowell who placed him in power thinking he
could control him, Ryan has brought us the joys of the Kardashians and their
demon she-devil Kris Jenner, the boring drill a hole in my hand Jonas Reality
show and the equally mind numbing Wanted Life with Whiney Siva. If that wasn’t enough, he thinks he’s Barbara
Walters having hour long shows with the above group of buffoons and even Selena
Gomez, who is under his mind control powers.
I’m just saying watch out world because soon we will be overran by intergalactic
slugs from Uranus and Bruce Jenner will be the puppet Czar of Earth. It could happen.
Harry Levin – really do I need anything to convince you how slimy
this goon is. He has crawled from the
underbelly of the legal system to raise hell on the planet. How he went from crowd reporter of the People’s
Court to having his own show is beyond me, especially when his smile is creepy like "Stranger Danger" creepy.
The shows journalistic relevance is asking stupid questions to people
who could care less about them or people we could care less about. When you have to explain to your audience who
a celebrity is, they are not a celebrity.
The whole group are working on one brain cell which they share on
alternate days. However, Harry is their
leader and I’m sure their supplier. They
all look high as a kite, hungry and tired.
Michael Yo- Speaking of an alien, the OMG Insider (what a
horrible teen based name for a show) correspondent, Michael Yo, is from the inner
workings of a far distant nebula. We don’t
have to worry too much from this guy because we will soon run him out of town
like his home planet chased him out of their system. His claim to fame was being a contestant on
Fear Factor, one of the biggest waste of television ever produced. He then says he’s a comedian and must have
something on Chelsea Handler, because she keeps on booking this asshat. Then somehow he weaseled his way on to this
entertainment news (laugh) show. He’s
about as funny as genocide and the only way to make your viewing more pleasurable
when he is on is to turn the channel.
Billy Bush – This seemingly all-American twit tries his
damnedest to be like his alien crush, Ryan Seacrest. Ryan may be an alien, but Billy is just plain
ignorant. He overdramatizes
everything. He would report that the sky
is blue, but believes the clouds are angry with the sky because they are
upstaging the sky. He’s a complete baboon
thinks he’s smart and talented. I know
you would think he’s related to the Amazonian Kardashian clan, but he’s
not. He’s related to those simple Bush
folk from Texas. Can you really come back from that? Seriously, he's just taking up space that could be filled by someone else who may have some talent that needs some work and definitely someone who is not related to Former President George W, "I'm a liar" Bush.
And the Winner is…….Billy Bush. Any person with a twinge of Bush Blood
should be yanked from public view. President
Daddy Bush was great, but President Son Bush ruined the whole family blood
line. Too bad Billy, you are the weakest
link….Goodbye
Our next award is for the “Gone Not Soon Enough” award. This goes to the show that cancelled way too
early and the networks should be ashamed of themselves. The nominees are…..
Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23 – This shows was ruined by
James Van Der Beek. They should have
gone with someone who had a little more talent, which would be about
anyone. Plus replaced the writers with
some people who understood humor.
The Glass House – one of the worst reality shows of all
time. It was a huge rip-off of Big Brother
and no one could see it…Oh yeah they did because the ratings were horrible and
ABC was sued by CBS.
Happily Divorced – Fran Drescher….how we put up with that
whiny annoying voice for all of the seasons of the Nanny is beyond me. I can’t even watch reruns of it. Fran get rid of the voice and rework your
talent. Have you tried Mime school?
Malibu Country – I am a huge fan of Reba McEntire. Lily Tomlin,
Sara Rue and Jai Rodriguez. Plus Justin
Prentice who played Reba’s son was very cute.
However, it was too much like Reba, her original show. I think Reba’s move should have been a weekly
drama show or she can host all Country Award shows…like Neil Patrick Harris
hosts all the Acting Award shows.
And the Winner is…..Happily Divorced. Please can we take up a donation to send Fran
Drescher to Mime School, so she can earn a living again.
Our next award is “Worst Talk Show”. The last two years were the years of everyone to get
their own talk show. Some were dug up
again and some were new faces to get their chance to take over the spots left
by Oprah and Tyra’s absence. The
nominees are……
The Ricki Lake Show – Why they did this is beyond me? We are beyond the doorbell and surprise
guests. Right? I mean we all know that the people on Jerry
Springer fake their own situations so they can get their 15 minutes of shame
and I am sure they did the same on all of those shows like Ricki’s original
show. She can’t come back and try to
make us take her serious. She should
have gone on a panel show like take over the spot of one the fallen from the View.
The Jeff Probst Show – Seemed like a good idea, his show
Survivor is watched by millions and there is an endless list of f-rated reality
celebrities to prance through. What
should have happened was to keep Lisa Welchel with Jeff Probst and they co host the
show. I think it would have gone
better.
The Kris Jenner Show- - Before I start, I have great love
for Khloe Kardashian and I apologize for what I am about to say because if I
ever get my own talk show, I want you to be my co-host. Now that I am done sucking up. The majority of America sees this woman as
the biggest pimp in the world. We all
know she leaked Kim’s sex tape so she could further Kim’s career. She dragged an unwilling Kourtney to expose
her life on national television. She
causes more drama and seems to forget that she’s the mother of all those bratty
kids. Again, I must state Khloe is not a
brat. We all know that North (shaking my
head) will soon be a YouTube sensation and managed by loving doting Grandmother
Kris.
Anderson Live – Though the show was going on its third
season, it should never have gone past one season. Not because I don’t like Anderson Cooper, I
think it tainted his image. He was a
newsman and we all loved him for it. We
trusted him and thanked him for his honest reporting amongst all the tainted
journalists. His second mistake was
given airtime to over the top and entertainment worthless hack sidekick that he
had. I can’t even remember his
name. All I know is he annoyed the crap
out of me.
And the Winner is…..Kris Jenner. This of course is the only time she will read that anywhere. She needs to stick pimping out her family and
stop trying to get a solo television career.
The only acting we want to see her do is a corpse on CSI because lying
still and not talking is the only way we can tolerate her. I know I should like her because she's a lush and I love her daughter, Khloe, but I just can't do it. My mother raised me knowing right from wrong and liking Kris Jenner as television personality is wrong on all sorts of levels. Plus I swear she's a succubus from hell that has taken over a human.
Now for some eye candy, the award for ”Hottest Chick” The nominees are……
Mindy Khaling – the hot star of the Mindy Project on Fox. She plays a great neurotic, crazy and lovable character that we have been missing since Will and Grace left us. 
Georgia King – the blond gorgeous star of The New Normal (sad it is cancelled). She was beautiful thin, pregnant, crazy, sane, daughter, mother and surrogate. The show and her character will be missed, but I'm sure we will see her in other projects real soon.
Lucy Liu – Elementary ----how can you go wrong with this
beauty in such a great show. She plays Watson and whoever thought that was plausible, but it is. She is hauntingly beautiful, striking and amazing.
Kerry Washington – Scandal…..She is the Scandal on all
levels. She is smoking hot, talented and has this smoldering look. She can melt anyone's heart and burn anyone's sheets. I'm sure she is dream and desire of many straight men.
The Winner is….the beautiful, amazing and lovely Kerry
Washington. She’s hot. Her career is on fire with Scandal and Django
Unchained. Halley Berry may have
competition now with Kerry Washington.
We saw my take on girls so let’s do the dudes. The award for “Hottest Stud” The nominees are…….
Stephen Amell – Arrow – How could you not mention this hunk
of badass. He has taken a pretty
lackluster superhero and made him doable, likeable and believable. When it was announced that he was going to be Oliver. Comic Fan World rejoiced. Comic Gay Fan World lusted. He's done a great job showing the brooding side to this unsung DC hero. That is awesome…..Now if only he were gay, he
would perfect.
Johnny Lee Miller – How could I mention Lucy Liu without
pointing out her co-star? Johnny like
Stephen has brought new life to Sherlock.
He’s a recovering drug addict which speaks to many with Florence Nightingale
syndrome and many with the bad boy complex.
He has made an uptight detective and made him relevant, sexy and up to
date. He's even better dare I say Robert Downey Jr.
JD Pardo – Speaking of bad boys, this actor brought Jason Neville
from Revolution alive. He was a bad guy,
fell in love with the girl he was supposed to capture and then joined the
revolution against his father. You couldn’t help falling in love with him. He was that bad boy with a heart of gold. He can try and capture my flag any day. In fact, I probably would give it to him. Congrats on the renew of the show as well.
Chris Messina – The funny Dr. Danny Castellano from the
Mindy Project which I have talked about in past postings. He’s simply adorable, manly and a bit of a
jerk, which most women and gay men really like. He reminds me so much of some guys I had some huge crushes, which means he's one of the celebrities that look real. He looks like a normal guy and not some fake, over plastic celebrity.
And the Winner is…..Stephen Amell. He’s just simply the hottest. I mean look at the picture and tell me he doesn't deserve it. I think he may be the hottest superhero as well.
I will end the post with that award. Have a great day and enjoy the Emmy’s!!!!!!
May all your drinks be mixed well and heavily poured.
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